How to NOT Waste Your Single Years

The news that a friend has just gotten engaged makes its way to you.

For a minute you become filled with joy and excitement for the couple, but slowly the feeling of sadness creeps in. You start feeling down, longing for the same things they have, and feeling as though perhaps these milestones will not happen for you.

So many of us go through this rollercoaster of emotions. The sadness from being single is often accompanied with guilt—as though we should not be feeling down because we are blessed in so many other ways. However, sometimes we can’t help it. We really look forward to the day when the one we love proposes to us and we get to have all the wonderful moments that accompany a married life. 

It can take some time to fully grasp that these desires are good, natural, and of God.

They are not meant to bring us down or to cause any worries. Yes, they are painful and frustrating and sometimes very isolating. However, they are good, because they are a reminder that we have a calling to love and to be loved. A love that is deep, selfless, authentic, and intimate. 

This calling is very transparent in the desires we strongly have for marriage and family. There are moments when we may struggle with desiring these things because we can feel bitter or resentful, but we have to remind ourselves that these desires are there for a reason. They are not there to taunt, hurt, or cause anxiety. Rather the purpose they serve is to lead us to a life of fulfillment. 

What can we do during this season of singleness to allow us to develop a sense of purpose and growth? 

Understand your worth.

It is important to remind ourselves that God calls us, loves us, and wants us for who we are. Each one of us brings a unique set of talents, dreams, goals, and personalities. Our worth will never come from our marital status, rather, it comes from knowing and being loved by God.

In moments when I have struggled it has helped me to better understand my worth. In doing so it has helped me to adopt the mentality that regardless of my marital status, God sees my heart and He loves me for who I am. Being cognizant of my worth helps me to value what I have to offer as a single person to those around me, to my career, my community and most importantly—to God.

Pray for your spouse.

It is so important to pray for your future spouse. Pray that the Lord prepares their heart, pray for their health, pray for their career, and pray for their holiness. Ask God to lead your future spouse closer to Him so that they may understand true authentic love through Him. Ask the Lord to heal any past or present wounds in your future spouse. When we pray for our spouse, we trust in God that He is preparing them for when it is time to cross paths in the future.

Become the best version of yourself.

If we do not invest time in growth with Christ and growth within ourselves, how can we expect to be ready to enter the sacrament of marriage? We should constantly improve the faults we are aware that we have. This allows the opportunity for being well prepared to truly value, respect and love our future spouse.

We should be growing in our faith and growing in our relationship with Christ, so that we are able to love our future spouse authentically and as God has willed. I truly believe that in attempting to become the best version of myself I have been preparing myself to love my future spouse better, be more patient, and truly value their company. 

Spend your free time in community and giving back to others.

Community is wonderful! It has a way of making us feel as though we are a part of a greater group and that we have the support system needed in times where we may feel lonely. Community helps to keep us accountable, it helps maintain the balance we need in our faith, and gives us room to grow spiritually and mentally.

Spending our free time volunteering is not only beneficial to those in need, but also to our spiritual growth. In giving of self we discover things about ourselves that may have not come to light otherwise. It also allows for us to consume our time in something and someone other than ourselves, and this is vital to learning how to love.

Try to enjoy time with yourself.

This is easier said than done, especially when you feel a strong calling to marriage. We have to learn to enjoy time with ourselves. If we do not appreciate time with ourselves, we are going to start believing that we need someone else in order to be happy. This can be a dangerous mentality to adopt.

The more joyful and alive you can be now, the more joy and life you can bring into the next stage of your life. I recall moments when I would feel embarrassed to go out to eat alone, watch a movie at the cinema alone, or go to the beach alone. As time went by and I stepped out of my comfort zone to engage in activities alone, I actually began to enjoy and look forward to these moments. 

When I find myself feeling down about not having a husband or family of my own, I remind myself of the truth.

The truth is—God works in ways too great for us to even begin to comprehend. Allow Him to take a hold of your future instead of spending so much time worrying about it yourself. We must not forget that our God is a God of purpose. It's important to be mindful that this season is temporary and that God sees you where you are at this moment. He knows our heart, our desires, and our intentions.

As Jeremiah 29:11 tells us “I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you hope and a future”. We just have to continue being patient and using this time of singleness to reflect and focus on Christ so that He may lead us in the right direction.