Is a Father Really the Most Important Person in a Girl’s Life?

Some holidays seem to exist for the sole purpose of serving as painful reminders. Thanks, Valentine’s Day, for the annual opportunity to confirm that I am indeed single! Or, when I use to live painfully far away from family, Thanksgiving was a day to feel isolated and sad that I wasn’t near my loved ones. I’ve been through my own gamut of hard holidays, but by far and large the one that takes the prize in the recent wake of my dad’s passing is Father’s Day.

Don't take Father's Day for granted

I realize that for the majority of my life, I allowed holidays like Father’s Day to pass without much notice. Sure, I’d give my dad a call, usually send him a witty card about being his favorite child (I’m 1 of 7), and sometimes even coordinate my travel plans so that I was able to be home that weekend. But for the most part it was an afterthought and my ways of showing him my appreciation played out haphazardly.

Like so much of life, we don’t appreciate what we have until it’s gone. Having to grieve the painful loss of my dad and continually reflect upon his role in my life, particularly around Father’s Day, has really shown me why a father is indeed so important in someone’s life.

In fact, I’ll venture even further and say that he is the most important person in his daughter’s life, and here’s why.

Fathers reinforce a daughter's dignity and worth

Women are amazing. We just are! God designed us with a unique peripheral vision that encompasses the greater picture. We are relational, maternal, and dang-it some of the most competent human beings on the planet! Women have an amazing capacity to bring people and ideas together and make things work (hence why a woman is the heart of the home). It’s often said that behind every good man is a greater woman, and what makes a woman great is her confidence to be just that…a woman!

Do we live our womanhood perfectly at every given moment? Of course not. Why? Because we doubt. We doubt ourselves, we doubt our dignity, and we doubt our worth—enter Satan. He wants us to believe that each of those things are conditional. We have dignity if we can concisely articulate ourselves at a board meeting. We have worth if we look good while doing it.

A father is such a necessary presence in a girl’s life because he combats those conditionals and through the witness of his selfless love communicates that we are enough simply in who we are (albeit my dad made more than one major blunder by commenting (or not) on different outfits, hairstyles, report cards, and soccer performances I had while growing up). Even though there was definite room for improvement in his word choice, I knew my dad loved me and was proud of me, even when my highlights that were supposed to be blonde turned orange or when my acne that I attributed to my teenage puberty was still with me well into my 20’s.

Though I have learned through my own formation and experience as a faithful Catholic woman that my dignity far exceeds what the world defines it as, in those frequent moments of doubt and temptation to believe otherwise, having a steady physical manifestation of that unconditional love is such a game-changer. Through pointing us by example to the love of our heavenly Father, the support of a father has the capacity to give a girl such a sense of freedom to flourish and be fully herself. It provides the confidence to speak up at the board meeting even if the thought just came to you on the fly while you simultaneously realize you’re wearing yesterday’s blouse (again).

You are worth 100% of a man's commitment

What’s more, if you’ve experienced this selfless and unconditional love, you can spot it’s counterfeit (now whether or not you actually reject it is another article…). Believe me ladies, I am the queen at justifying a man’s 90% commitment level and convincing myself that I’m not bothered when he doesn’t call when he says he will. But I, and you, know in our heart of hearts that we’re worth more than that, and part of that knowledge comes from the love of our father.

Now I’m not advocating for you to write off perfectly good men because they don’t have dark hair like your dad or make substantially below his salary range, but I am saying to look at and remember how your dad has upheld you and don’t settle for any man who doesn’t match that level of intentionality.

I recognize that reading about the role of father may be painful for some. Perhaps your relationship with your dad is far from perfect, in fact, it may even be terrible. However, the role of a father in his daughter’s life still stands (whether or not it’s been met is a different story), and that relationship is a two-way street. Regardless of where your relationship with your father currently stands, you are and forever will be his daughter, and his love for you will only serve to help you flourish.

On our end, it may be time to put forth a bit more effort than a 99 cent card and phone call—recognizing just how important your father is in your life, and seeking to foster that relationship in order to live it fully. And ladies, what better chance to do so than Father’s Day?