People love to talk about "time" and how they are going to spend it more wisely without wasting a moment. The first months of the new year provide extra incentives to plan better every day with the goal of becoming more fulfilled and accomplished.
I'm one of those people who could do a better job at managing my time. I don't want to waste this precious commodity. Like you, I have a deep desire to make every moment count.
So, I did some research
To that end, I decided to Google articles on how to become a better time manager. It seemed that every link that I read or watched focused on changing habits: how to be more efficient with your workout, how to trim the number of minutes it takes to get ready in the morning, how to sleep less but more soundly... If I employed just half of the techniques offered, I might be able to complete my work week by Wednesday, be totally fit by Thursday and have no reason to sleep all weekend!
My search also revealed a flip side to the time management coin: how to avoid wasting time. That makes sense, right? If you are going to manage time wisely, you have to know what to avoid.
Many of the posts suggested that the top time termite was to avoid persons or activities that were emotionally draining. The collective wisdom agreed that it is a waste of time to engage in any activity or relationship that doesn't make you feel good.
Examples that were given included: listening to people who are dealing with personal problems, attempting to see situations from the other's point of view, empathizing, engaging in light-hearted conversations...
Other articles said that as long as you are #1 in your mind, you will never waste your time. They outlined ways to make yourself and your agenda your top priority.
What if people hadn't wasted time on me?
It took several audible "hmmmms" and heavy sighs to help me process the thought that it is a waste of time to deal with people who didn't have their act together. The underlying premise of these posts was to focus on what you want rather than on the other. As long as you are #1 in your mind, you aren't wasting time.
What would my life been like had I or those around me adopted this philosophy of "wasting time?" My thoughts turned first to several events that occurred during my late teen years. These were hard times for me, and I was on my way to becoming the world's biggest Debbie Downer. My parents and my teachers (all who were very busy people) picked up on my changed demeanor and "wasted time" on me. They listened to me droll on and on until I was emptied of my doubts. They helped me return to a healthy state of mind.
Then there was the time in my 30s when a coworker had personal issues that impacted her ability to get stuff done. She wanted (maybe needed is a more accurate verb) to talk, so a few of us took her out for a long cup of Joe flavored with her tales of woe. She seemed more joyful at work after that.
More recently, it was an extended email exchange with a young adult who is questioning his relationship skills and significance in life. He wanted to begin an off-line conversation that he said would take up a lot of my time. We are currently wasting time together as he tells me his story. Time will tell if my empathy helps.
Disengaging from others is not the answer
Sadly, many of the people we encounter in marriage ministry (both those who are married and those who are seeking marriage) think it is a waste of time to deal with people. They find themselves burnt out, frustrated and disturbed because they can't do what they want. They falsely think that disengaging from others and focusing on themselves is the answer.
Have you ever heard this quote? “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift from God, which is why we call it the present.”
As a marriage minister, you know that time is a gift that God expects us to share. How will our ministry in 2017 reflect a more Godly understanding of time?
Give these considerations some thought
1. Marriage ministry is about people. Do your best to remember that human beings are not things that can be turned on and off by a schedule. Consider it a gift to work with them.
2. People are surprising and not efficient. Keep this in mind when you schedule any meetings. Give yourself more time than you think you will need to delve into the mystery of the other.
3. Learn how to redirect people in a friendly and direct manner. Inevitably, some people will interrupt you when you absolutely don't have the time to be with them. At these moments, have a ready response that will protect your time while leaving the door open for dialogue:
- I'm under a rigid deadline right now and need to focus all of my energy on this project. Can we talk later?
- This isn't a good time for me right now. Can you check back in with me at a later time?
Remember to check back in with them at a later time!
4. Schedule joy into your calendar. Train yourself to smile and thank God for your daily schedule each time you open it. This will help you understand your ministry as the work of God rather than a list of tasks and meetings.
