God, Give Me Patience—RIGHT NOW!

God give me patience and give it to me NOW! I wonder how often this prayer jumps into your mind each week. If you are like me, you aren’t afraid to lift your head, close your eyes and plea for divine help so clearly that every saint in heaven hears your supplication.

What brings us to the brink of impatience in marriage ministry? Well, for starters there are budgetary and time constraints, disappointments and rejections, failures and shortcomings. If that isn’t enough, let’s consider all of the possible interruptions that grind your work flow to a halt. Oh, and there is the annoyance that bubbles up when a promised deadline is extended. Yeah—all of these can take us from our happy place.

What is really interesting is that the more irritated we become, the more we speed up. We become more self-reliant and create more safeguards to protect our time and fix the most annoying issues. Sadly, our attempts to circumvent the problems only result in more agitation. Why? Because we think that “doing” more will result in “being” more patient.

Re-thinking my work flow

Nothing could be farther from the truth. Doing more does not give you more patience. Doing less is what brings about more patience.

A dear friend of my, Dr. Richard Swenson, wrote a book called Margin: How to Create the Emotional, Physical, Financial and Time Reserves You Need. This book illustrates the importance of stepping back and taking the long, hard look at what is happening. By his definition, margin is “the space that once exists between ourselves and our limits.” According to Swenson, when we reach the limits of our resources and abilities, we lose our margin. And when we lose our margin, we lose our patience.

After reading Dr. Swenson’s book, I remember taking stock of my work flow. I was shocked to see how little margin I had built into my daily calendar. With no time or margin in reserve, my limits were stretched and that was harming me, my ministry and those that I served. So I refocused my work and scaled back.

But nothing will get done if we slow down!

A co-worker noticed the change and asked me what I had done. I told her that I was working on my patience. “We don’t have time to be patient,” she started. “Nothing will get done if we slow down.” When I asked her what she meant she gave me a laundry list of challenges and roadblocks. Each item was more irritating then the next; the scheduling, the inventories, the liturgy preparations, the rehearsals, the paperwork and the couples that she had to work with.

“Those young people today—they are so entitled and ungrateful. They don’t finish the tasks I give them and they won’t return my calls. They just don’t seem to care about marriage preparation at all.”

Yep—she was very low on patience and her margin was razor thin. Eventually, she took a deep breath and stopped talking. “Do you want me to continue listening or do you want me to comment,” I said.

Without a moment’s hesitation she said, “You might as well comment.”

“Let me ask you a question” I said. “How would you define your role in this ministry?

She thought for a minute and then said, “I am supposed to make sure that the engaged couples do everything they are supposed to so that they can get married at the parish. My job is to keep them moving through the process.”

With a smile and a lot of gentleness I said, “So it is more about the process than the couple. Is that right?”

“No. Well, yes. I mean no. I mean…” She stopped to think for a moment. And then she said, “I think I see where this is going. I’m looking at my job as a series of tasks to complete. That is what I focus on. That is all I want to get done. There is always something else to do and no time left to do it.”She continued to connect the dots. “No wonder I am stressed out and impatient. I’m focusing on the process more than the couples.”

Bingo. Spot on.

Less is more

If you find yourself in a similar situation of impatience, revive your spirit and your ministry with these ideas. Assess your focus. What is the main point of your work each day? Are you there to do tasks or are you there to be with the couples you serve? Do an honest evaluation of yourself and your ministry.

Less is usually more.

Review the tasks that are under your purview. Are there any that you can get rid of?

Are there any overlaps that can be combined into one? What are you doing that someone else should do?

Look for opportunities to streamline your tasks so that you have more time to be with those you serve. Put people before tasks. Revising your focus and finding ways to cut back on your tasks will reduce but not eliminate frustrations and anxiety. When challenges come your way remember that persons are more important than tasks. As often as possible, set your default to relationship.