Looking For Joy In All The Wrong Places

If I were to walk around handing out joy, you’d take me up on it in a hot second, wouldn’t you? Of course you would! Who would say no to joy? Rewind: what if the deal was for you to give a definition of joy in exchange for it; what would you say? That hot second might not be so hot anymore… We all have a basic understanding of and know that we want joy, but what exactly is it?

Though perhaps we can’t articulately define joy on the spot, we can identify it. When we experience joy, we know what it is. When we witness a joyful person, we can call it right away.

What joy is...and is not

Joy is not an adrenaline rush where we just “got this feeling in our bodies” (sorry Justin Timberlake), nor is it an optimistic attitude, like the ones feigned by the cashiers at Whole Foods who seem to have something to prove by showing how happy they are (perhaps only eating overpriced organic food really does do something to a person). No, joy is not a feeling, nor is it an attitude of optimism.

Joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It is both a grace and a fruit of the virtue of charity. It goes beyond the emotions and reaches to the soul, and its source is the rational will.

Ok great, now I know what joy is and what it is not (kind of), have an awareness of my desire for it, and as a Christian recognize that it’s something I should have. I’m still stuck: How can I be joyful if I’m just not?

We’re called to be joyful in the midst of suffering? Well, guess what, suffering is hard! It goes against human nature to be happy in the midst of hardship. But remember its definition; joy is not a feeling, it’s not an attitude, it is JOY.

Joy can't be that hard to find!

But what does that mean? How do I cultivate it? How do I bring this abstract fruit of the Holy Spirit into my daily life and allow it to resonate within my soul? I’m going to be that irritating person who answers a question with a question: Where do you find joy?

Approaching this question from a different angle, think of times and/or experiences in your life where you experienced true joy. Though they may be limited (or more frequent if you’re lucky), we all have something to draw from. Take a moment to really reflect on this question, and keep your answer in mind (you’ll need it soon).

This question of joy was brought to the forefront of my own life very recently when my father was tragically killed in a car accident at the young age of 58. It is in moments like that; death, loss, and tragedy, when you realize your complete lack of control as your world comes crashing down on you, that this idea of joy really seems to be far removed from reality. Through the initial phases of grieving my dad, I wanted to be joyful, but I honestly didn’t know how.

You can't will joy

What I came to learn was that, like most things in life, simply willing joy doesn’t produce it. But there is hope. Let’s remind ourselves of how God made us: we are human beings with a rational and free will, and we make choices; thousands of choices each and every day. Often times they're subconscious and we're not even aware that we're making them, but they're there.

Remember that experience or activity that brings you joy? Choose it. Make the time and space in your life to engage in that joy-producing activity. If it's time with a particular friend or family member, make seeing them or catching up on the phone a priority.

If it's volunteering with your parish's youth group or religious education classes, guard Wednesday nights as sacred time. If it's going country line dancing, get a group of friends together (heck, even go by yourself) and cut the rug!

Bowling, jumping in a pile of leaves, cooking a good meal...you get the point.

We absolutely have to prioritize these things, especially in the midst of a season of grief or other tumultuous event, where a lack of joy may be more evident than at other, more even-keeled times, of our lives.

The turning point in my own life

The beauty is that these acts are reciprocal, bringing great joy to our Father. He delights in us; there is nothing that brings Him greater joy than to witness and share in our joy, multiplying it a hundredfold. Though this choice is by no means a holistic answer to the question of living joy (prayer and God’s grace also play a huge role), coming to understand the part I play in my self-possession of joy through my choices and actions was such an encouraging realization, and a real turning point in my healing in the loss of my dad.

For though we can and should remember that God has a plan for our lives, and that wounds will heal and life will get better; sometimes the future seems so unattainable. To have something we can work on today, right now in this moment, equips us with the ability to live the Christian call to joy in the present, which is all we really have.

Again, through growing closer to God in prayer, by allowing Him to flow through us as His vessels and in doing so become more like Him, we can share in and grow in His joy. But if you want an answer that is applicable to your real life today, something tangible and hopeful, then make the choice. Choose joy.