I'm Just Not Sure If He's Into Me

Here's a secret. It's not that hard to tell if he is into you or not. The signs are unmistakable.

Here's another secret. It's really, really hard to read those unmistakable signs if you WANT a guy to be into you. If you really want to be in a relationship, or you really like this guy and know that on paper you would work out, your vision will be clouded. And you will not be able to see his interest in you objectively.

So, give the following list to a friend or coworker the next time you wonder if that man likes you or not. You need someone less biased than yourself who can help you determine what is truly going on.

The Unmistakable Signs That A Man Likes You

1. He makes time for you. 

He initiates conversations, he responds promptly to your texts, he invites you to events, and he plans dates. If he likes you, he is going to move mountains to be around you. If he doesn't make time for you, doesn't respond to you quickly or only responds when it's good for him, he is not into you.

(NB: Even if you're talking online, and don't live near each other or are dating long distance, this still applies. If he is not interested in getting to know you more, like if he doesn't want to video chat with you and/or talk to you on the phone after you've been talking for a bit, and if he is not making plans to meet you, then he is not really interested. Both men and women can be guilty of writing long messages to another person without any intent to commit. Also, if he does meet you, and then starts talking to you less than he did before, that's not a good sign).

2. He wants you to meet his friends and family. 

If he wants you to meet his friends and his family and the people closest to him, and he actually sets these meetings up, then you know he is very interested in you. If he only hangs out with YOU, and doesn't seem particularly interested in you meeting other people in his life OR if he is not interested in meeting the people you love in your life, he doesn't really like you.

3. He cares about the things you like. 

If someone wants to get to know you more, he will show an interest in the things you care about. And if someone is really interested in you, he will invest time and energy into those things you love. Did he listen to your favorite song after you mentioned it in passing one evening, and then bring it up the next day in conversation? Did he send you an article or a video that he thought you might be interested in based on your texts last week? Did he come to your rec league's soccer game to cheer you on? If he is doing things like this, he's into you.

If he is not into you, he will not put much effort into getting to know you, or will keep it surface level to be polite. And he will definitely not go out of his way or sacrifice his time to support you.

But, what if he's just shy?

Well, what if a guy is shy? Couldn't that mean that he's still into me but just too shy to initiate or show that he cares? While it is true that some guys might move slowly because they are not confident or haven't had a lot of experience in the dating world, the principles of interest (isn't that a nice turn of phrase? just came up with that now on the spot) still apply.

That's the beauty of living in an age of technology; a screen is a nice safe place to be confident behind. So shy guys will still make time to message you and text you. If someone just passively goes along with everything that you plan and initiate, that doesn't mean that they like you. Whether shy or super outgoing, if someone likes you, they will work hard to talk to you and make time for you.

Turn the tables

Let's look at the situation from your point of view for a second. Think about it. You like a guy.  And when you like a guy you always answer his texts (even if you wait and don't answer them right away, you still answer them), you think about him during the day, change your plans so that you can spend time together, and talk about him to your friends. If he liked you back, he would do the same.

If he is not doing these things, you need to move on. He will not change and magically start liking you, even if you are going out of your way to do things for him. Instead, you will be hung up on him and waste precious time and energy on a dead end.

I know it is hard to end something, especially if you have to admit that it was mostly in your head in the first place.  But it will help you move forward and find someone who truly loves you and wants to be with you.