Why Struggling in Life Can Be a Good Thing

Struggle, with anything, can be really hard.

It is always less fun to struggle. I would be confident in declaring that almost everyone in this world does not enjoy struggling. It takes a lot of hard work, fruitfulness from that work comes slowly, it’s vulnerable to struggle, and long-term it’s exhausting.

One of the biggest struggles I have had have been spiritual struggles: wishing a cross I am currently carrying, I simply weren't. Wishing for a lighter cross. Wishing for a different cross. Wishing, at the least, this cross wasn’t so hard to carry. 

Maybe you’ve been there too.

One of the best pieces of advice I got in regards to this type of struggle was to flip to Romans chapter 5, verses 3-5:

“… knowing that affliction produces endurance,

and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope,

and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured into our hearts through the holy Spirit…”

These words were written by Saint Paul to the Romans, who were in desperate need of the words he was writing. I don’t think we are so far from the Romans at this time to not also need these words.

I want hope that does not disappoint. Doesn’t that sound so refreshing? And reliable? And comforting? But there are steps in between suffering (affliction) and that kind of hope: endurance, character, and hope. Each step leads to the next, all of them build off one another. All of them lead us further down the path to sainthood.

Do we know how long each step will take?

No, unfortunately not. We aren’t keyed into the intricacies of the whole process. We just know they are related.

And do you know what that means? They are all worth going through.

As for more tangible suffering—like suffering in dating, or in being single, going through a painful breakup or learning how to set your own boundaries—I would like to offer a reason as to why struggle can actually be fruitful.

It is intriguing to look away from or push away struggle as something that is simply meaningless beyond first glance.

“I don’t need this right now.”

“I’m just going to ignore it until enough time passes and it doesn’t matter anymore.”

“There is no good in dwelling, I’m not going to get anything from that.”

...but could it actually be an invitation to receive?

Oftentimes—not all the time, but oftentimes—struggles in singlehood or dating or breakups are later realized to have truly shaped us in some way. And the longer we ignored or fought that suffering, or I would actually word it as necessary healing, the longer it took to receive what we really needed, which was fruit (read: from Christ).

What does fruit look like? Love, acceptance, forgiveness, humility, vulnerability.

We can’t acquire any of these if we don’t first receive them. 

And it’s worth reading that one more time: We can’t acquire any of these if we don’t first receive them. 

At the very foundation of fruitfulness, you will find receptivity. And a golden key to receptivity is willingness.

Are you willing to accept this suffering, not because you don’t see a clear way around it, but because you know that in accepting suffering, fruit will follow? In some way, that is a promise that was unmistakably made to us by the Father. We were promised suffering, and we were promised the graces and gifts of God to follow, should we be willing to receive them.

Being single when you do not want to be single sucks. Going through a bad breakup is really painful. Learning how to make and maintain your personal boundaries is not for the faint of heart. Repeatedly putting yourself out there when you don’t know if you’ll ever really meet someone takes a lot of courage.

But none of it is suffering for sufferings' sake. And it may be hard to see—it’s actually totally okay if you don’t see it at all—that suffering is an invitation to grow in holiness, to receive something the Lord is offering us, even if it doesn’t appear so at first glance.

What matters is that you remain willing.

Willing to receive, because that willingness will lead to fruit, which will transform your current suffering from something simply to go through, to something that you are being allowed to go through for the sake of your own holiness.

It’s a daily offering of ourselves to the Lord—this journey of remaining willing. It’s something you know you will get better at over time by the grace of God and sheer practice of giving up your will for His. And it’s a practice that is worth committing yourself to, because struggling with whatever you are struggling with right now doesn’t have to remain as if it’s pointless—purpose can come too.