God Will Not Drop Your Spouse Through The Roof

Dating is really hard when you’re Catholic.

If you’re trying to be active in the dating scene (that feels more like a wasteland if we’re being honest), you know it’s true. And just to clarify, I’m not talking about the Catholic “dating” scene of college campuses where you get engaged senior year and married immediately after graduation. That’s not the real dating scene—that’s skipping the dating scene.

If that describes your experience, then great! Congrats on forgoing a million awkward first dates and never having to make sure your “social networking” doesn’t look too obviously like husband/wife hunting. It’s okay, we all do it, even the ones who say they’re just looking for “community.” You can’t fool us, Karen!

Dating as a modern Catholic involves a lot of mental jiu-jitsu. On one hand, we know we need to trust in God’s divine plan. You know, “let go and let God,” man. On the other hand, we recognize the need to be proactive in meeting people. So, how do we find the balance between having trust and taking action?

See, being open to God's will and working with His will are two different things.

As Catholics, we believe in God's timing and that He will lead us to the right person—but sometimes we use that as a cop-out. It’s hard putting yourself out there, so saying, “God will provide” is an easy way to avoid the dating struggle bus. Believe me, I’ve done it, it doesn’t work. There has to be a point in the single, adult Catholic’s life where they realize, “Ok, so God’s not going to drop my spouse through my roof.”

Look, there are those miracle stories we hear where so-and-so’s grandmother’s friend prayed to St. Joseph and then got hit by a truck from “Joseph’s Auto Repair” and then ended up marrying her ER doctor, Joe McJoseph. But waiting for a miracle like that is like planning to win the lottery. You-have-to-get-out-there. Rest assured, God has a plan for you, but you gotta put in a little effort.

Now you may be thinking, “But how would I even meet someone?” Yes, I thought you might ask that, which is why I’ve put together a list of actually helpful ways to meet someone and it doesn’t include going to a bar or volunteering (why does everyone suggest that?)

1. Tell your friends you're looking

The first step to meeting someone is admitting that you’re looking. It’s okay to say you want to date and get married one day! Our culture tells us that we have to act like we don’t care because we don’t need anyone else but ourselves. Admitting that you want to get married doesn’t mean you’re not independent or happy on your own. It simply means you want to share a full life with someone and there’s no shame in that.

So, kick your pride to the door and just tell your friends you're looking! Friends have cute siblings, cousins, colleagues, friends, friends of friends, etc.—tap into their connections (without taking advantage of them for their hot friends). If you’re friends with a married couple, you already know they’re dying to set you up with their other single friends. Friends want to see you happy and they feel accomplished when their matchmaking efforts work out.

2. Invest in your local young adult Catholic community

Okay, so young adult events can be a bit hit-or-miss because attendance is random, but you will meet some cool people if you commit to going to more than one event. Bigger cities have a larger attendance, so if your local community doesn’t have a large reach, consider driving to a bigger group. I’m not saying take a three hour pilgrimage to find your soulmate, but maybe an hour?

Again, you’re probably not going to meet someone as soon as you walk in the door. So invest in the group itself and the event that’s happening. Whether it’s Theology on Tap, Mass, a holy hour, a talk, or some random get together, enjoy the event itself and what it can offer you. When you enjoy the event itself, you won’t feel (or look) so desperate to meet someone.

Pro tip: Volunteer to help run YA events—it gives you an excuse to say hi to everyone (like that super cute guy you'd normally be too afraid to talk to)! Oops, did I say volunteer?

3. Go to weddings

At this point, wedding invites are flung into the trash faster than you can RSVP “unable to attend.” But instead of shredding that Save The Date, consider going! If you’re being invited in the first place, you’re definitely friends with the bride and groom. If they’re good people, you can rest assured that their bridal party will be full of awesome people with similar values. Not to mention their extended family who could be equally cool.

Look, I know it sounds kind of shady going to wedding just to meet someone, so don’t view it just as a dating opportunity. Ask your other friends if they’re also attending and make a fun weekend out of it. Get a sweet Airbnb and look into fun things to do in the area. If you meet someone at the wedding, cool. If you don’t, then you still had a great time living your life.

4. Attend parties outside of your friend group

Not all of us love parties, but it's one of the easiest ways to meet people. Instead of choosing another Friday night chillin' in sweats and watching Netflix (no shame in that game, though) make an effort to hang out with people. Better yet, hang out with friends or acquaintances outside of your regular friend group. When that girl from work or that guy from church invites you to go to brunch or to dinner with their friends, just go! If someone you know is having a party and a ton of people of the same values are going to be there, go. Your goal is meeting new people, so take advantage of opportunities to meet them.

5. Try dating apps

"Meeting someone online" is no longer seen as something that's weird or uncommon, it's a millennial norm so get on board and just try it out! Nobody sneers at someone who’s using dating apps anymore because we’re all on them.

If you’re nervous about meeting someone online, try not to take it so seriously. That doesn’t mean casually hooking up with someone, you should still date with intention. Just view the initial chatting and meeting up phases of online dating as a casual hangout—meeting up for coffee or having drinks here and there to see if there’s a connection or something worth pursuing. If you aren’t vibing, then that’s fine—you just met up with someone for a coffee.

If you’re still hesitant about meeting someone from an app, just know that when you meet a person you click with, they won’t just be “someone you met online.” They’ll be a real person in your life and you’ll be beyond grateful you even found them.