No Events for Singles in Your Parish? Create One!

Where's the best place to meet other Catholics in real life?

Years ago when my older sisters were looking to meet nice guys, our Pop told them, "Go to church socials." That is what people did in the 1950s. In fact, that is how my father-in-law and mother-in-law met. They came from different parts of Philadelphia to a dance sponsored by a Catholic organization.

Unfortunately, church socials for singles are not as common as they once were. So one of my single friends complained about it to her priest. His advice? "Start going to bars."

Okay...I have a better idea. Create your own singles event.

Organizing a singles event doesn't have to be complicated, but it should be thoughtful.

I belong to a vibrant parish where there are so many events it is not possible to go to all of them. But it wasn't always this way. Many of the events we now enjoy were created by and for the parishioners. In fact, just the other day, my daughter and a friend were saying there were no events for kids around the age of five. So we planned one. We decided to have a kids' Christmas craft making day, talked to the pastor about it, set a date, advertised it, and talked it up among our friends the following Sunday. People are already saying they will come.

That said, little kids are easy to socialize. Throw them into a room with other kids their age, add some glitter and glue and just wait for the ecstasy. It is slightly more complicated with single adults. How do I know? Because I asked them.

I polled my single friends of all ages to ask what sort of event they wish existed so that they could meet fellow single Catholics.

First, these are issues single Catholics want to overcome:

1. "I don't know who the other singles are."

This is particularly tough if you are older. Three of the women who responded to my poll are no longer young and I had no idea they were looking to meet someone even though I know all of them personally. One said that if a man comes to Mass by himself consistently, it could simply mean that his wife is not Catholic. You can't exactly ask.

2. "There is a lot of pressure."

If you do have an event where being single is the focus, you feel like everyone is watching you. You are single and looking but not wanting to appear to be single and looking but not wanting to appear single and not looking. It's so embarrassing. Forget it, I'll just stay home.

3. "Singles events make you feel like you are admitting you are a loser."

Yup, that's what people think about online dating services too. It's not true, of course. It's really just that you have limited resources to meet people when you are working all by yourself.

Now, here's their wish list for a singles event:

"It would have wine."

Agreed. And also:

1. Make it inclusive.

"The best thing a parish can do is make sure everyone is included: families with children, couples without children, singles of all ages. Parishes should have an ethos of inclusion."

"I always felt it would be nice if good Catholic families played matchmaker. It would be easier to do that if singles hung around more at parish 'family events'—like coffee and doughnuts and similar social time."

"Have an event that is not focused on being single but is focused on something else."

Some ideas are: Theology on Tap or a young adult group (which have an age cap of 35) or a book club or a service event. All of these happen to draw singles to it but they are not specifically just for singles and about singles. I myself have thrown this Shakespeare Karaoke party numerous times and, along with families, it has attracted singles of all ages.

2. Get the priest involved.

"What about taking a page from the 'it’s just lunch' group? Holy mass, followed by a potluck lunch and Father gives a lighthearted catechism teaching? Dinner feels more like a date, where with lunch, well, it’s just lunch!"

"Coffee with Father after mass at the local cafe. It is a way to connect with the pastor, opening possibilities not only for the married life but also the religious life. It is also time for questions to be answered and for  evangelization or debate."

"All mixers should have a designated person or persons who can introduce people and help them find common ground/strike up a conversation, who then fades into the background if things go well, or helps the person move away, if they don't go so well." Hey, it worked for the heroine of Jane Austen's Northanger Abbey.

People might have different ideas about the ideal singles event but one thing stands out. Singles want and need the support of their priests and parish community.

If you agree with me, then all that remains is for you to ask for it. Father is busy. Families are busy. Chances are, they are not going to think of these things. But that does not mean they don't care! I myself would love to help singles live happily ever after, and I know lots of other people who would as well. Not just women either!

So think of what your ideal meet up event would look like and then approach your priest and friends in the parish about making it happen. Then, create it and advertise it. Don't just talk it up among your friends, put it in the diocesan newspaper. (I got lots of new faces to come to my Shakespeare party that way.) If people are shy to come alone, encourage them to bring a group. Just don't stay in the group the whole night! The whole point is to meet new people. You need boldness for that.

But first, be bold and plan your ideal singles event yourself. People will be glad you did.