Are You a Real Man? The True Qualities of Catholic Manhood

What makes a man?

Discovering the early growth of fuzz along his arm, our three-and-a-half-year-old grandson, Luke, suddenly proclaimed, “Poppy, I have hair on my arm, I’m becoming a man!"

With a growing fascination with his body parts and bodily functions, this preschooler asks more questions than a Congressional Committee. He is at the age where he insists on doing things “all by myself.” This proud declaration reflects the increasing awareness of his gender and his growing desire to be a “big boy,” if not a man.  

Whatever that is...

In these gender-sensitive times, discussing manhood runs the risk of offending the thin-skinned or stirring up the woke-mob to employ its cancel-culture weaponry.

For the rest of us, Luke’s observation is but a moment to laugh at the humor of a youngster’s observations of the world and himself.

But, one thing is for sure.  

Young Luke will soon learn that it’s not the hair on his arm, his chest, or even his face that makes him a man.

His Poppy will make sure of that.

Authentic manhood is not today’s skewed version of toxic masculinity, nor is masculinity about the amount of hair or the number of tattoos on one’s body. Being a real man reflects the presence of particular virtues.

Motivational speaker Tony Gaskins, Jr. put it this way, “Money doesn’t make a man. Muscles don’t make a man. Tattoos don’t make a man. Character is what makes a man! Let a man’s character be his currency; that will tell you what he’s really worth!” 

True manhood may not be genetic, but hopefully, it’s contagious.

My first priority as a grandfather is to offer my grandchildren a model of what true masculinity is. What seeds of truth do I plan to plant in the masculine mind of Luke and my growing horde of grandchildren? Here are a few quotes about manhood and my thoughts about manly virtues.

Sacrificial love is the mark of a real man.

“Simply stated, that principle is this—the groom dies for the bride, the strong suffer for the weak, and the highest expression of love is to give your life for another.”— Doug Phillips, Lessons from the Titanic. 

Fr. Larry Richards put it another way, “Husbands are called to love God primarily through their wives. Your wife is the sacrament of Christ to you. You are the sacrament of Christ to your wife.”— Fr. Larry Richards.  

Some Christians balk at St. Paul’s comments in Ephesians 5. But the Scripture that grips my heart is when Paul says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…” Ouch. So, how did Christ love the church? Sacrificially! How are husbands to love their wives? Sacrificially! 

Responsibility is the mark of a real man.

“You can’t be a man at night if you are a boy all day long.”— Rev. Wellington Boone. Men, your wife is not your mother, so pick up your own clothes and do your part around the house. It’s called being a servant leader!

Kindness is the mark of a real man.

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.”— Samuel Johnson. I recall advising my teenage daughters to observe how their dates treated small children and restaurant servers. Common courtesy and manners are initial clues of a man who is comfortable with who he is and does not have to prove himself to anyone.

Respectfulness is the mark of a real man.

“Love between man and woman cannot be built without sacrifices and self-denial. It is the duty of every man to uphold the dignity of every woman.”— St. John Paul II.

After marrying the girl of your dreams, you discover she is not as perfect as you once thought. You discover the emotional weak spots in each other. Do not use this knowledge to manipulate or take advantage of her or allow others to do so. True devotion is accepting her as she is, loving her, taking pride in her accomplishments, and working to make her a success in whatever she pursues. My spouse is my helpmate, not my servant.  

Prayer is the mark of a real man.

“A man of prayer is capable of everything.”—St. Vincent de Paul.

Praying is a manly thing to do, as no man stands taller than when he kneels before the Lord in prayer. The author, Eugene Peterson, said,  “A changed world begins with us…and a changed us begins when we pray.” 

Self-control is the mark of a real man.

“Men are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth” - Chuck Norris.  

Humility and tenderness are the marks of a real man.

Billy Graham once explained the secret of his long and loving marriage by saying, “Ruth and I are happily incompatible.” This may explain why his wife, Ruth, later commented, “A happy marriage is the union of two great forgivers.”

Guys, learning to say “forgive me” and “I’m sorry” does not weaken your wife’s view of you, it strengthens it.

Tommy Nelson, in his signature work, The Book of Romance, states, “The way a woman spells love over time is tenderness…Show me a woman who feels that her husband deals with her tenderly—with kindness, good manners, generosity, genuine affection, and understanding—and I’ll show you a happily married woman…”. 

Faithfulness is the mark of a real man.

“Real men stay faithful. They don’t have time to look for another woman because they’re too busy looking for new ways to love their own.”—Author Unknown. Amen to that!

We live in a time when some men behave badly. I hope to instill in all my grandchildren the desire to behave godly. And being a real man is all about doing so.

St. Paul in his letter to Timothy urges men of God to “aim at righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith…” (1 Timothy 6: 11-12).

You can recognize a real man by asking these discerning questions:

• Does he have the spiritual maturity to lead his family in ways that honor the Lord?

• How does he behave when no one is looking?

• How does he respond in times of crisis?

• What choices does he make when costly sacrifices are required?  

• How does he treat those who can do nothing for him?

In time, Luke will understand that manhood has nothing to do with the hair on his arms, chest, or face and more to do with conforming to the image of Christ.