When I picture a man—a true manly man—I picture my Papa.
I think of him crouching atop the roof of an unfinished house, a house he's building himself. His hands of iron hammer in nails with precision and strength. I picture him wearing his grey flannel that was worn so thin his darkened skin had no option but to grow darker. If he wasn’t hammering away, I picture him blasting a Marlboro in one hand and washing it down with a cold Miller Lite in the other. My Papa is Webster’s definition of “man.”
When you close your eyes and think of a man, what images come to mind? If someone were to ask if you viewed yourself as manly, what would you say? Why or why not?
Admittedly, it’s hard thinking of myself as a man.
I’m not a gun-slinging, horse-riding, whiskey-guzzling dude. In fact, I’m basically the opposite: I eat vegan, I’m allergic to horses, and I unwind with a nice glass of wine. Not exactly Tombstone material over here.
We live in a time in which our society tells us that masculinity is either exactly that—the ultra-macho cowboy-guy—or it tells us that masculinity is made up—it doesn’t exist! Both are extremes, and both miss the whole kit and caboodle by a country mile. Because of this confusion, we men often place our masculinities and identities into our jobs, our looks, and/or our bank accounts. This misses the whole kit and caboodle by just as much!
My Papa isn’t a man because he’s built like an ox and can pound beer for breakfast. He’s a man because he married my Nema wearing blue jeans, with only a quarter to his name. He’s a man because he fought to take care of her. He’s a man because he woke up before the crack of dawn every morning to toil under the Houston sun and earn an honest wage. He isn’t a man because he worked a glamorous job. He’s a man because he hammered each board together with attention to detail and perseverance. This is why my Papa is a man, and these are the traits of manhood I challenge us to uphold.
To understand what our identities truly are and what it means to be a man, we have to go to the beginning.
In Genesis 2:15, God “…took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it.” The Hebrew word for “keep” is shamar. A better interpretation of shamar is “to guard.” God commands Adam, then, to guard the garden and everything in it. From the beginning, we are told to shamar our families, our friends, our girlfriends, our wives.
I think we innately know this. That’s why we always hear vagaries such as “A man needs to provide.” That’s why it’s tempting to think, “Oh, if I get this job, then I’ll have the power to provide.” Or “Oh, if I just look this certain way, then I will be deemed worthy.” Or “Oh, if a woman can see that I have this amount of money, then she’ll feel secure with me.”
But shamar-ing is different than how we’ve come to understand “providing.” In Genesis 2:15, God doesn’t tell Adam to “Make sure you have all your ducks in a row. Make sure you have ample job security and solid dental insurance. If not, now’s not the time for Eve.” God’s ways are not our ways. I’m pretty sure dental insurance isn’t what He’s concerned about.
Men, you shamar by being in a relationship with God.
By not letting things creep into the garden out of fear (this was man’s first mistake, not eating the apple.) You shamar by bringing everything to light and not hiding anything from Him. Your identity is rooted in surrender to the Father, accepting that you can’t do life without Him. Your masculinity is determined by how well you listen to the Spirit. Your worth comes from the Cross.
Women, first off: why are you sneakily reading this super secret message to men?! Secondly, please understand this: a man is not secure because of his job or finances. He’s secure because of his security in the Lord. If I were a woman, I would much rather choose the guy who’s on his knees praying everyday with nothing to his name, than I would the guy who occasionally attends Mass and has multiple vacation homes. The former will be a man who will truly take care of you. You’ll enjoy some fun times with the latter, but his foundation will crumble before long.
Each man’s soul is written with a need for adventure.
This doesn’t mean you need to whip out the boots and spurs. Rather, this means that you need a mission outside of finding a woman.
John Eldredge, in Wild At Heart (a great read for all men), says “A man needs a much bigger orbit than a woman. He needs a mission, a life purpose, and he needs to know his name. Only then is he fit for a woman, for only then does he have something to invite her into.”
There’s a level of truth in the lie that our identities lie in our jobs. The problem is that it falls so short of the bigger picture. Going back to Genesis 2:15, we were made to work and cultivate culture. We are incomplete without work, but we are not complete by work alone.
Find what makes you come alive and chase it. Pray where God wants you to be and go. Ask Him what you can do for His Kingdom and do it!
Why do you think Adam didn’t let Eve or God know that he let the snake into the garden? Because he didn’t want to seem incapable or weak. To be masculine is to be vulnerable and recognize that you can’t do it on your own. If you have found a woman, let her into your adventure. She’s meant to be a part of it. Your lives aren’t meant to run parallel; they’re meant to collide and build with one another. Mission is essential for manhood.
Commitment is a battle.
It requires knowledge and trust, first of all. You can’t commit to what you aren’t sure of. But then it requires the fortitude and perseverance to push on. Day after day.
To be a man is to know. We are created to know God, to know our neighbor, and to know ourselves. That last one tends to be the doozy—to know thyself. We all carry wounds with us. “To rub dirt on it” and avoid a problem is to throw away your masculinity. We have to commit to knowing our wounds and how they affect us. We can’t know others or God until we’re aware of our own obstacles.
When we know God, the manliest thing in the world is to commit to Him. The floundering, indecisive man is the plague of society. Indecisiveness about God is the root of lukewarmness, confusion, and any other thing that’s muddying the clarity in our world.
When we know a woman, the second manliest thing to do is to commit to her. A man knows the risk of love. A man is willing to bleed. A man is willing to be hurt time and time again. But a man gets up time and time again, with open arms.
Men, if you find yourself stressing about your job, finances, or appearance, remember to evaluate yourself according to your shamar-ability, your adventure, and your level of commitment. These are the things that define you. These are the things that make you enough.
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