7 Things Every Divorced Catholic Needs to Prepare for Holiday Madness

It's October and change is in the air. Leaves are falling, evenings are cool and crisp, and the kids have gone back to school. That means the holidays are right around the corner and if you're divorced, you know this is a tough time of year to get through.

In my personal experience of going through the holidays as a divorced woman, I've found there are 7 essential things every divorced Catholic needs in order to keep their sanity during the holidays. These things will help you get through the celebrations and family gatherings with grace. And they will also help you keep your relationship with God alive and well at a time that can be very challenging to say the least. Here are my 7 recommendations:

1.    The Sacraments

With all the powerful emotions, sadness, and confusion, you will find more consolation and peace in the Sacraments than anywhere else.

Unsure if you can receive? Here is a simple rule of thumb; the only thing that prohibits a person from receiving the sacraments is not being in a state of grace (committing a mortal sin that has not been confessed). So, despite receiving a civil divorce decree, if you have been faithful to what you know is right and are in a state of grace, you are welcome and encouraged to attend Mass and receive the sacraments as often as possible.

2.    A Confidant

Every broken-hearted person needs someone to talk to, whether that person is a friend, relative, spiritual director, or therapist (as long as that person is trustworthy and is someone who will listen to you without judgment). Someone you can turn to when you feel overwhelmed and need sound guidance.

Having a confidant is good for getting things off your chest. But don't forget that this heavy cross you are bearing is also a conduit for change. It's an opportunity to grow spiritually and emotionally. You can become better, stronger, and wiser, and your confidant should be someone who can support you in this.

3.    A Journal

Keeping a journal is similar to talking with your confidant and can be your constant companion when your confidant cannot be there.

Do you find yourself wide awake at two o'clock in the morning because you are overwhelmed by angry thoughts? Are you distracted at work because you keep playing fights with your ex over and over in your mind? Open your journal and start getting your angry thoughts out of your head and your heart and onto paper. You have the safety of knowing you can write everything you're feeling without fear of judgment or retribution.

4.    The Rosary

We live in tumultuous times and now more than ever, people are looking for ways to protect themselves. There are many weapons one can pick up and use for protection. For some people those "weapons" are rage, bitterness, and cynicism. Personally, I'd like to recommend one that is most powerful...my weapon of choice, the Rosary.

There are many threats to our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. Going through a divorce can leave you feeling ultimately exposed and vulnerable. There is much peace, assurance, and protection that comes with reciting the rosary.

5.    Trust in God

When your life is filled with uncertainty, when you suffer emotional and spiritual anxiety, these are precisely the times to trust God, because with God, all things are possible! God knows your heart. He knows your fears and your worries. He knows the challenges you face. Give it all to him. Let him carry your burdens. Trust in him and you will find peace in your pain and strength in your struggles.

6.    Thick Skin

It can be pretty uncomfortable hearing the comments relatives make at holiday gatherings when you're divorced. Many of these well-intended, but careless remarks can hurt quite a bit, but the worst are the ones that are deliberately judgmental.

If you are facing the judgment of others because you are divorced, whether it's from a family member, a friend, or a fellow parishioner, do not allow their judgement to drag you down. Remember instead, how God sees you...you are his beloved, and there is nothing you can do to make him love you any less. Pray for those who judge you and be kind to them, and turn your attention to God who loves you.

7.    Balance

Keeping a sensible balance, or temperance, can be a tough challenge during the divorce itself, let alone being divorced and trying to get through the holidays. The powerful emotions can easily drive one to extremes: drinking too much, eating too much, working too much, road rage, or other aggressive behaviors. So, try to keep that balance. Pray and ask God for the grace of temperance and to help you avoid situations where you may be tempted to go to extremes.