Divorced For The Holidays? Here's A Little Advice From Pope Francis

That old saying is certainly true: the older you get, the faster time flies. Summer is long gone and with the arrival of Halloween, the holiday season will be in full swing. And if you are going through a divorce or trying to rebuild your life after one, this time of the year can seem like a dark, ominous storm headed right for you. When I look back on the years I spent as a single divorced woman, I can still feel that familiar pain that accompanied me to every single holiday gathering. But I also see how far I've come over the years and how much bearing that heavy, heavy cross has changed me for the better, made me stronger.

There were many things that helped me handle those emotions during that time such as regular spiritual direction, finding volunteer opportunities that would take the focus off myself and put it on other people, getting enough sleep and exercise, etc. But what helped me the most was contemplating the fact that God didn't just create me to flounder in a mediocre life. He had created me for great things. This helped me to understand that as terrible as it was, my divorce was only something that happened to me, it didn't define me. Despite my divorce, God still had good things in store for me. My job was to carry my cross with as much love as I could until a new chapter of my life would begin. It meant embracing the idea of being magnanimous.

Just a year ago, Pope Francis was talking about the very same thing:

What does it mean to be magnanimous? It means to have a big heart, to have a great spirit; it means to have great ideals, the desire to do great things to respond to that which God asks of us, and exactly this doing of daily things well, all of the daily acts, obligations, encounters with people; doing everyday small things with a big heart open to God and to others. It is important, therefore, to tend to human formation aimed at magnanimity. Pope Francis’ address to Italian and Albanian Students, June 5, 2013

For anyone whose heart has battled the discouragement of divorce, Pope Francis’ words offer hopeful consolation. He encourages us to do the everyday small things with a big heart open to God and to others. The seed of magnanimity already lies in your heart even if you don’t recognize it because of the interior distress of your divorce. Yet, it is there and ready to grow and flourish as you begin to nurture it. Yes, even divorce presents opportunities to practice the virtue of magnanimity.

Walk That Talk

So, how do you practice the virtue of magnanimity when you just don't feel up to it or doubt you can be successful at it, because, let's be honest, sometimes the little details in everyday life are precisely what is making you feel so angry, depressed or out-of-sorts. How can you live these with great love? First and foremost, ask God for His help because you don't have to do it alone. He doesn't want you to do it alone! Ask God for the courage to try, for the strength to make progress in this area. Then think about some practical ways you can work on this.

For example, you might make a resolution to greet everyone with a smile despite the fact you are feeling sad, lonely, or stressed out. In doing something like this you have to remember that your emotions will still try to get the better of you and you may be tempted to become discouraged. But don't allow yourself to do that. Just imagine the progress you can make if you at gave it your best try.

At family gatherings, you might resolve to place your own cares aside during conversations and listen intently to another person’s complaints so you can offer some supportive words or even a little friendly motivation to help that person persevere. If you think about your own personal circumstances, there are many ways you can live these ordinary, everyday things with an open heart. The benefits? Outstanding personal growth, and people will remember you for being positive, generous, and thoughtful of others.

One very important way you can practice the virtue of magnanimity this holiday season is by asking God to bless you with the grace of detachment. Detachment from all the past hurts and painful memories and the grace to realize how precious a gift it is to be able to say, “I have loved,” and then pick up and move forward. Allow your experiences to shape you into a more compassionate person.

The best thing about making the virtue of magnanimity a constant in your life is the pleasantly surprising feeling of happiness that accompanies it. That happens because when you live the virtue of magnanimity, you experience what true love is all about—selfless service of others.

Feel free to send me your comments and questions at asklisa@catholicmatch.com or visit me at LisaDuffy.com.