Why Praying to Meet the One Isn't Enough

While waiting for a future spouse, we Catholics often turn to prayer.

Novenas to Saint Anne or Saint Joseph. Devotions to particular saints whose patronage includes single people or finding your spouse. Maybe you know someone who prayed and it seems soon thereafter found their husband or wife. In my own life, that has not been my experience.

Now do not get me wrong.

I am 100% all for prayer in these critical areas. Dating and discerning who to marry are some of the most important decisions many of us will make in our entire lives. You would be crazy not to pray about such a key, life-changing decision.

Sometimes I have experienced well-intentioned Catholic circles where the focus is solely on praying to meet the right man or woman; and there is little to no focus on the importance of needing action on your part.

Not all the angels and saints in Heaven will do the work for you on your behalf. We have to be active participants in our own journey!

Sometimes I think we can treat praying for a future spouselike magic. If I pray a certain number of novenas to a certain saint thencertainly my prayers will bring about the desires of my heart.

False.

Let me suggest a more balanced, holistic approach. Pray to meet the one, but also take action.

1. Sign up for some online dating.

2. Check out your local chapter (or one nearby) of Young Catholic Professionals.

3. Go to interesting places like art museums, street fairs, or take classes at your local community college.

4. Find a new hobby like taking a photography class or join a running group.

5. Attend a Theology on Tap with friend.

6. Work on yourself and be emotionally aware and strong.

7. Smile. Be friendly and approachable.

8. Do not be afraid to attend events by yourself like a wedding reception or going to the movie theater or dinner.

9. Let your friends know you are open to being set up or meeting new people.

10. Do not be afraid to make the first move in letting someone know that you are interested.

11. Put yourself in new social situations and try something outside of your comfort zone.

12. Try visiting new parishes for Sunday Mass for several weeks.

13. Volunteer in your parish or participate in a Bible study.

14. Read books on healthy dating and relationships, then put the principles to action in your life.

Yes, pray. Also act.

The point is that we have to be open and active participants in the process of meeting the man or woman we will someday marry. Be open and just show up to live your life.

Be adventurous. Take a risk. Step outside of your comfortzone a little bit.

We know that the spiritual life, a life of Christian discipleship, is one of both prayer and action. You cannot have one without the other; both are needed and critically important. The same principle is necessary when we speak about praying and acting to meet and find the right person.

There are any number of ways to meet “the one” you willshare your life with someday. You never know who God wants to put in your lifeor how that will come about. God is very creative. Live with a sense ofexpectancy. Trust in the slow work of God.

Yes, keep praying. Ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom anddiscernment. At the end of it all, get out there and meet God halfway. Havefun, be adventurous and try something new.

Let us seek to treat our dating journey with mindfulness. These words of Saint Ignatius of Loyola remind us, “Pray as if everything depended on God and work as if everything depended on you.”