After three failed marriages, Tom was certain that marriage was not the vocation for him.
All three marriages were done outside of the Church. After he returned to his Catholic faith, he took a vow of chastity, obtained official annulments for those marriages, and entered the seminary to become a priest. After finishing all of his philosophy courses, Tom took a sabbatical to minister to troubled teens in Buffalo, New York.
It was then that he started to question what God really wanted him to do.
“I was discerning where God wanted me to be. Did He want me to go back to the priesthood or did He want me to go back to St. Luke’s? I wasn’t getting any answers."
“This must be a mistake, but how could I question God?” Tom added.
Tom signed up for CatholicMatch, but was clear in his profile that it was only part of his discernment process—he still thought he’d be heading back to the seminary or the mission field.
“I was very truthful about my past life, reconversion, and dedication to prayer and redemptive suffering. I also indicated that I was interested in someone with a missionary heart like mine,” Tom said.
After four months on the site, he decided to move to Virginia. On his way he dropped by National Shrine Grotto of Our Lady of Lourdes in Emmitsburg, Maryland. While praying and strolling through the shrine, he glimpsed two rose petals on the ground—but no nearby rose bush. He thought one petal was for his sister and the other would be the key to his prayers.
As he continued on his way he recalled that there was a nearby statue of St. Theresa. “I walked over to the statue and prayed, believing my answer would come soon,” Tom said.
Once he got back to his car, Tom had an alert on his phone. Someone had emailed him on CatholicMatch. Her name was Theresa.
Talk about an answered prayer!
Like Tom, Theresa had not succeeded in her previous marriages. She was married in a civil ceremony when she was 19 years old, but she divorced her husband. He is now deceased. Her second marriage, when she was 24, was in the Church. But that marriage also ended in divorce because of her husband’s alcoholism.
“I was a single parent since the age of 26. After the first two relationships I decided to focus on my two children and myself. I raised my kids and went back to college to become a teacher,” Theresa said.
But once her children were all grown up and starting families of their own, Theresa found that she still wanted a “true marriage, one built around God and the Catholic Faith.” That’s when she decided to join CatholicMatch. But she says she signed up only after she obtained an annulment for her last marriage.
“She told me that after reading the sentence about the past not being important, she felt it was speaking directly to her and it was the deciding factor in discerning whether to email me,” Tom said.
I didn't think Tom would respond to my message.
“I had dated a couple of men from CatholicMatch that said they were Catholics, but did not practice the faith in all aspects of their life. I was searching for a true conservative Catholic,” Theresa said. “Tom’s picture attracted me first and, when I read his biography, I knew he was strong in the faith. His background, all the mission work he had done, plus discerning and studying for the priesthood was almost overwhelming. I decided to email him thinking he would not respond. I am truly blessed he did.”
For a first date they planned to rendezvous at a parish in Virginia. Theresa went when she was visiting her grandchildren, Tom said. He brought his rose petal—which he had framed—and bought a bouquet of white-tipped roses “to represent Mary.” He gave both to Theresa. Then they prayed the rosary and the Divine Mercy Chaplet in front of the Blessed Sacrament, afterwards attending Mass.
“We both felt that the relationship had to begin in church with Our Lord,” Tom said.
Following Mass, they went out to eat and Tom shared his experience in mission work, even showing her a video about the parish where he had served.
“The feeling I got from being with her was the same type of joy I felt when I was around the Blessed Sacrament,” Tom said.
One week later, he proposed and Theresa accepted.
Although it might have seemed sudden, Tom says he was convinced God was telling him marrying Theresa was what He wanted him to do.
“During that discernment process the Lord will make it very clear to me what to do. Then I start making faithful but cautious steps toward that insight. Then through prayer and fasting I discern all confirmations or road blocks. As the confirmations come the Lord then gives me a ‘Wow’ moment. When that happens with me it’s like a joy I only feel from heaven. I then I ‘Just Do It,’” Tom said.
Celebrating 8 years of marriage
About three months later, on October 1, 2010, they were married.
It was the feast of St. Therese of the Little Flower. For their honeymoon they went to Emmitsburg “to give thanks to Our Lord, Mary, and St. Theresa,” Tom said.
Tom has continued his service work with Theresa. They are Eucharistic ministers, lectors, and religious education teachers.
Tom also works in prison ministry in the Diocese of Wheeling-Charleston and founded another ministry, called Hope in the Darkness Project for young people struggling with drug addiction and the temptations of gang life. Theresa is “significant part” of the ministry.
“This marriage has been different than the others. We both view it as a vocation we were being called to mission. Every important daily life decision is prayed on and based on our faith,” Tom said. “For both of us, this is our last mission on earth.”
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