What Mother Teresa Teaches Us About Marriage Prep

In 1979, then Mother Teresa received the Nobel Peace prize. Shortly thereafter, my mother-in-law printed off part of her acceptance speech, framed it and gave it to my family. Here is what it says:

Each person's mission is a mission of love...

Begin in the place where you are with the people closest to you. Make your homes centers of compassion and forgive endlessly.

When we come face to face with God we are going to be judged on love: not how much we have done, but how much love we put into the doing.

The woman who spoke these words is now Saint Teresa of Calcutta. I was fascinated to follow her canonization on Sept. 5th and to learn how she spent her entire life doing what others thought too difficult—serving the poorest of the poor. The stories told before and after the Mass at St. Peter's portrayed a humble and gutsy woman who extended more than a hand to help others; she put her entire life into her service.

This plaque has hung above the desk in my home office for nearly 40 years. Its words constantly remind me to be charitable to all I meet. There are days when I meet the standard—and others when I woefully fail.  It's not easy to meet God's mission to love and to become holy. But we continue to try, right?

Effort—it boils down to how much love we put into what we do as marriage ministers. Are we willing to conduct our ministry in different ways or will we plod along the status quo path we know so well? Effort—how much are we willing to expend? Let's look at issues that will require more charitable effort from us.

1. We have to go out to them.

The days are long gone when those interested in marriage would come to us and ask their questions or make their comments. The information exchange is not happening within our offices or within the physical church. Rather, it is happening out there; on social media; in coffee shops; in the gym. If we want to share the good news of God's plan for married love and family life, we need to interact where they are, rather than where we are comfortable.

2. We have to include remote and proximate prep.

We must expand our definition of marriage ministry to include proximate and remote preparation. A quick scan of marriage programs will show that the Catholic Church has an abundance of immediate marriage preparation programs that focus on the engaged couple. Most offer outstanding instruction, easy access and solid results. But, we are sorely lacking in education about marriage that can happen within the family or amidst youth and young adult arenas. Our emphasis needs to drop back about 10+ years. This will take effort.

3. We need to be open to surprises.

The Holy Father often reminds us that God is a mystery and that he reveals himself and his plan to us little by little. The pope asks that we receive the surprises and then respond to them in love. This advice may well be a keystone strategy in reviving marriage ministry because it reminds us to be great listeners; first, to receive the other and their story—to be with them before doing something for them.

Finally, we need to make hope visible in our ministry. This means suspending any doubt that the downward turn in marriage is insurmountable. It is not. God's plan will prevail. We can right the cultural trends if we put more love and effort into our doing.

Take a peek at my blog posts over the coming weeks for insights on how to beat disappointment when life doesn't go your way and ways to expand marriage ministry to include the family. And, if you have ideas of your own to share, please send them in.

God's best to you!