How to Pray In a Dating Relationship
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A few weeks ago at Mass, the priest was preaching about evangelization. And he said something that I think people may have a misconception about when it comes to religion.
“Faith is personal,” he said, “but it’s not private.”
Yes. Our faith may feel very personal, and we should have a intimate, deep relationship with Jesus. But even that relationship cannot be private if it’s to be truly Catholic (even the Pope says so!). And we only have to look to our creed to find confirmation of this: the Church is one, holy, catholic, and apostolic.
What does this mean? It means that we are part of a larger, universal church—one Church. Our faith is not the Church of Paige or the Church of John or any other private body. It’s actually the opposite: it includes anyone who believes in her and her teachings and wishes to be a part of it! It’s HUGE and broad and open. It is decidedly not private.
And let’s also consider whether we can keep our faith private and be a part of the catholic and apostolic Church. Well...there’s already a contradiction. How can something be both private and apostolic? It can’t! Jesus didn’t tell the apostles the Good News and then said, “Keep it to yourself.” Of course not! It is meant to be shared. When two or three are gathered, there am I in their midst.
Since our faith isn’t private, it should be visibly interwoven into all aspects of our lives, from how we spend our Sundays, to how we treat our co-workers, and naturally extending into how we date.
When it comes to dating, how do you share your faith?
What does a shared faith life, with a boyfriend or girlfriend, look like?
This is a crucial question to ask yourself, regardless of whether you are casually dating or even engaged. How you construct a shared spiritual life with your boyfriend or girlfriend is a foretaste of a shared spiritual life with your spouse one day. That is: if you don’t start including your beloved in your personal faith life now, it will be much harder to do so once you’re married. Start now!
Here are some tips for how to pray, and start cultivating a spiritual life, with the person you’re dating.
1. Start in ways that are already natural.
Your shared spirituality doesn’t have to be constructed or contrived.What do you already do together? Keep doing it and make it a regular habit if it’s not already.
If you pray before meals together, that’s great! Keep doing it and make a point to always do so. If you go to Mass together, awesome. That’s the best, easiest way to share your faith with the person you’re dating because it’s already public and meant to be celebrated in community. Consider also meeting to go to Confession (okay, this one is private!) or Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament.
2. Practice spiritual reading (or listening or watching) together.
Choose a spiritual book to read together and then talk about it. Or, listen to a talk or podcast together and then share your takeaways.
This way of sharing your faith is excellent if you’re nervous about sharing your faith, which is a totally legitimate feeling. Sharing something so personal requires vulnerability and trust and it can be scary. By choosing a book or presentation to talk about, you keep the focus on the material (and only a little bit on revealing your own thoughts and feelings).
Here are some book recommendations (all easy and different, so see what appeals to you!): Man’s Search for Meaning, My Life With the Saints, Interior Freedom, Resisting Happiness, Rome Sweet Home, The Screwtape Letters. (This is a great list too.)
And here are some talk/podcast recommendations: any of the Lighthouse Catholic Media talks, Catholic Stuff You Should Know, The Jennifer Fulwiler Show, Word on Fire Show, Father Mike Schmitz. (Your parish might also have FORMED which has a ton of print and visual resources.)
3. Choose a devotion that's new to both of you.
One of the most beautiful aspects of our huge, diverse Mother Church is that there are so many different ways to pray! There are a ton of different prayers, devotions, and novenas that are all beautiful and wonderful ways to encounter Jesus together.
Choose one that neither of you have had much experience or practice praying and learn it together.
It’s hard not to feel like the under-catechized and foolish one in the relationship when your girlfriend reveals she has the Angelus, Veni Creator, and Anima Christi memorized and prays them regularly, while you barely remember how to pray the rosary...so choose a new one!
If neither of you are familiar with the rosary, start there! There’s nothing better than meditating on the life of our Lord through the eyes of His mother. And you’ll master some of those “Catholic 101” prayers like the Hail Mary and Glory Be.
If you’re feeling pretty comfortable with all the basics, consider praying Night Prayer together over the phone before bed or choose a novena to a lesser-known saint and pray it for nine, consecutive days together.
Regardless of where you are in your faith life or journey, praying more and more regularly is always a good idea.
The key is just to pick something that sounds interesting, attractive, and do-able and start there.
And praying together can only help deepen your faith life. Your boyfriend or girlfriend will keep you accountable and encourage you. In creating a shared spiritual life, you’ll fall deeper in love with Jesus, and hopefully each other (or it will reveal that this person isn’t the one for you), because there’s no way that your relationship won’t deepen through prayer.
God only magnifies, deepens, widens, grows our hearts (He never takes away or minimizes), so if you’re ready to go deeper in your relationship, to discern more intentionally, to love more passionately, start praying together.
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