Jesus Loves You, Failures and All

I have been divorced five times.

The first marriage, I was hoping would be the only one. It would last forever. But then life happened.

The second marriage was a second chance to get it right. That one failed too.

By the third, I still had hope. Maybe this one would work out. No, it ended in failure too.

The next two marriages blurred into each other. Both failed. 

I was left wondering, what’s wrong with me?

How can a person mess up so many times? Was I a hopeless cause? 

I got into a relationship with a new man, but we didn’t get married. Why bother at this point?

Then, one day, I was fetching water at a well. I met a man. He was strange. Magnetic. 

He told me to go get my husband. I told him I didn’t have one. Somehow, he already knew. “You have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband.” 

Obviously, there was something different about this man. He must be a prophet. He knew all about me. He was interested in me. 

I ran into town to tell everyone I could find that this man knew me and everything I’d ever done. 

He did not ask about my previous marriages. Somehow, he already knew about them. But he didn’t seem to care. He told me about the possibility of living water that could quench my thirst.

Thirst…

That’s what it was all along.

The desire for companionship. For someone to love me, and for me to love back.

To know I was valuable and I wasn’t alone.

This man, whom I had never met, saw through my failed relationships. He saw my need for love. And he did not offer me romantic advances. He did not offer me his hand in marriage. He offered me living water. Somehow, he knew that is what I had been wanting all along.

Maybe this is what the woman at the well felt when she encountered Jesus (John 4:7-42). 

Personally, I have had two wives. My first marriage did not work out. After a decade of suffering and struggling, I finally managed to become ready for another shot at love. I met a new woman and we took our time and took a chance at marriage. Today, we are happily married.

I can’t imagine having been married—and divorced—five times.

One failed marriage is enough to devastate you. But five failed marriages? 

How did this woman go on? She must have felt completely washed up. Like a hopeless failure. Dirty beyond cleansing. Unworthy. 

But when she met Jesus, he told her he knew all about her previous relationships. According to the Scriptures, he did not ask her to explain what went wrong with each one. He did not demand that she give an adequate explanation for her relationship failures. He did not seem to care at all about her checkered past. He just told her that living water was available for her. 

Jesus knew about her past. And he knew what she truly needed.

Not another husband. But love and hope. Real love and hope.

We don’t know what happened to the woman at the well. Scripture only tells us that she told everyone in her town about Jesus and that many believed in him because of what he told her.

Maybe she married again. Maybe she remained single for the rest of her life. But what’s undeniable is that she had an encounter with God that changed her whole life. 

We can all have that. Jesus knows everything about us. He knows how many times we have been married and divorced. He knows about our mistakes and failures and disappointments. And if his encounter with the woman at the well is any indication, then we also know he does not hold our failures against us. He knows…but he loves us anyway. And he offers what we truly need.

The Catholic Church offers the possibility of annulment for a failed marriage.

The process intends healing and restoration.

If you are divorced, take advantage of it. As you go through the process, remember how Jesus interacted with the divorced woman at the well. He did not judge her. He knew her and everything about her. And he loved her. 

He loves you too. He knows you and does not judge you. 

Whether you have had one spouse, or five, Jesus wants you to be healed and happy. To drink of the living water he offers. One way to do that is through the process of annulment. 

Whatever happens along the way, remember how Jesus treated the woman at the well, who had been divorced five times. He loved her and offered her life. He’s doing the same for you.