Thank You For Breaking Up With Me

Clothing has a way of evoking memories, as if the events that come rushing back to my mind are intricately woven into the threads of fabric. A worn sweatshirt can transport you back to a relaxing summer spent at the lake. A tiny onesie draws recollections of both the innocence of a new baby and the nervousness of new parents. A wedding gown holds immeasurable joy along with beading, lace and tulle.

For me, a pair of slingback heels call upon memories of my last boyfriend before I joined CatholicMatch. These heels are covered in a bright floral print and are at least an inch taller than any other shoe in my closet. Each time I slip them on, I think back to the wedding I attended ... solo. I was proudly wearing the heels—only weeks after Mr. Ex Boyfriend declared, “I don’t think this is working out.”

Mr. Ex Boyfriend was at the wedding too. He was cordial and downright pleasant, which caused my unsettled heart even more angst than what I felt in the early days following our breakup. There he was—kind, ambitious, good looking, funny and guess what, Catholic. He checked all of the boxes on my list of must-haves, including getting along with my most treasured family and friends.

This is meant to be, he must be "The One!" I thought to myself at the onset of the relationship, but there I was, in the midst of a joyful celebration, alone again after a gut-wrenching breakup, trying to boost my confidence with a silly pair of shoes.

Less waiting, more living

Have you ever had that experience where you were completely blindsided? You thought you were aligned with your partner and knew the direction God was calling you, but all of a sudden ... dark clouds and thunderstorms.

Bad breakups are the making of the unexpected. Whether you are the heartbreaker or the one whose heart has been broken, break-ups call us to question the minute details of the relationship and the inner-workings of our hearts. When we think God is directing us toward a specific goal or in this case, a specific person, and then we are informed differently, we can feel physically, spiritually and emotionally crushed.

It’s in these moments where we are forced to rise up and begin a new chapter because we trust in someone bigger than ourselves and our earthly logic. If you’ve lost a spouse or experienced divorce, I’m sure you lived this first-hand in an even deeper and more profound way.

In the days following that wedding, I decided I was done waiting around for Mr. Right to magically appear in my life. I decided to live with passion and genuinely celebrate the life moments of my peers instead of quietly questioning if I would own the title of “bride.” That turning point set the foundation for my journey on CatholicMatch, and I suspect that you, too, can pinpoint a moment where you finally said, “I’m done.”

After that wedding, I spent the summer reflecting on my past relationships and my desire for a holy, sacramental marriage. I prayed more. I experienced more. Most importantly, I stopped waiting and started living.

Six months later, I was unexpectedly invited to join CatholicMatch and write about my experience. Within the first week, I met my husband, George. We married last October, and Mr. Ex Boyfriend was even in attendance.

He congratulated me at our reception, and as he graciously wished me well, I mentally thanked him for all that he taught me and ultimately, for leading me to the person God had designed for me.

So now I wear my floral slingback heels as a married woman, walking along a new road riddled with its own blessings and challenges. I look back on each of my past relationships with gratitude—not for the tears and the heartache, but for the lessons I learned along the way.