Be More Attractive in 5 Easy Ways

Dianne Quinn, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Connecticut, conducted a study to monitor the behavior of women during conversations with men. All of the women in the study were given the same topics to discuss and questions to answer. One group of women were talking with men, whom they knew could only see them from the neck down. This group of women found it difficult to continue the conversations and often shut down sooner than those women who knew they were being viewed from the neck up. The result was that through feeling objectified by the opposite sex, these women became like objects themselves. When women present themselves through dress or situations in which they are objectified, they are incapable of showing their complex personalities, and instead reduce themselves to just their bodies. They respond by turning themselves into objects.

Be confident in you as a person. This past Spring I was invited to attend a Pure Fashion show and see one of our friend's daughters model trendy fashions that showed her personality, along with the outfits. What I loved most about this program is the distinction in the participants from other fashion shows. They didn't look like bored or deadpan, inanimate objects. They were confident, unique, pure, and joyful young women. Where most marketing is targeted towards selling sex appeal, these girls were using their personalities, inner joy, and confidence to sell clothes.

Instead of feeling pressured toward fulfilling this boxed-in society ideal, the audience felt empowered to be themselves and let their clothes and accessories reflect their personalities through the example of these young models. The show's catch phrase was, "What message are you sending? What are you communicating with your body and dress?" I loved that question, and I think that's something both men and women need to ask themselves every day.

Modesty isn't just about clothes. In June, a mother ranted on her blog about the popular conventional motivations for modesty. Her complaints stemmed from the disproportionate attention on modesty as solely a women's problem. While modesty is a great virtue, it is not solely a women's issue, nor is it restricted to how we dress. Men and women should be modest in the way they dress, but also in the manner in how they live. Here are five simple questions to help you become more attractive in the way you live and act every day:

1. How do you speak? Are you bragging about your gifts, talents, accomplishments, and possessions? Are you focusing the conversations around yourself? Are you dominating the conversations and rarely letting others be heard?

2. How do you act? Are you offering your seat to others? Are you going out of your way to open a door or make another person comfortable? Or are your actions only centered around your own gratification?

3. How do you spend your money? Is it mostly spent on unnecessary luxury items? "For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be" (Matthew 6:21).

4. What message are you sending? While we can't control the thoughts or actions of others, we can control how we present ourselves to others by thoughtfully choosing the message we want to send. Dress, presentation, and speech are all manners in which we communicate with the rest of the world. If you are dressing in a way that objectifies your body, or reduces your personhood to just your body, try making a few changes. There are plenty of trendy and unique clothing options for both men and women to choose from to enhance your best physical masculine and feminine qualities respectively, but not at the expense of hiding your great personality.

5. Do you believe you are lovable? If you feel like you're on a string of bad luck with dates who only want to use you or rush into a physical relationship or if you find yourself shutting down in conversation, feeling ignored or undervalued, consider how you are carrying yourself. Let your true inner joy show in your presentation and speech and allow yourself to be known and treated as the beautiful, unique, and gifted person God made you. If you don't believe you are lovable, how will someone else?