How Married Couples Can Help Single Catholics

Single Catholics desiring a sacramental marriage look to the Church for help in finding their spouses. Many think the Church isn't doing anything for singles, but what if I told you the help we need is closer than we think? That actually your help is sitting next to you in the church pews ...

We all belong to the Church

A quick Internet search for "the Church does nothing for singles" brings up scads of articles—it's obviously a concern for many.

As single Catholics we can often feel like the Church is focusing more on the married and religious states, without always taking into account that singles may one day too be married or in the religious life.

Author, Lisa Duffy challenges singles not to say what is the Catholic Church doing for me, but what am I doing for the Church?

She says:

"Why sit back and wait for someone to resolve a problem when you can use your gifts and talents in an exciting and meaningful way, one that has the potential to impact others’ lives as well as your own?"

In her article she gives singles great advice for opportunities to start up groups and activities in their own areas.

A few years back, Simcha Fisher addressed the problem of singles feeling left out and asked the simple question: "What do you need?"

It has been left up to the laity in many places to start the ball rolling with singles events.

Tired of one more singles event

Just in the past few years, there has been an overwhelming surge in new Catholic groups in New York City. Often, there are conflicting events on the same night. And while I feel so blessed to have my choice of lectures, holy hours, and dances—sometimes it's really tough to drag myself out of the house. It's very difficult for an introvert, melancholic/phlegmatic me to be "on" for one singles event after another.

Singles events can quickly turn into "meet markets"—or "avoid that guy I dated"—or in my case, attracting the nutty ones. I'd love to be able to attend one of these dances without feeling like every man there is trying too hard to find a wife—any wife.

A better option for Catholic singles

I read an article by Monica Gabriel in Verily magazine that not only seemed to eloquently say what I've been thinking for a while, but has stayed in the back of my mind for a few months now.

"But I wonder, what would happen if single people could break free from the “singles mingle” social structure that contains them, and—gasp!—hang out with single and married friends alike?"

Ask help from married couples

Doesn't it make a lot more sense to ask for help from married couples who have been through the dating scene, have found a spouse, and want everyone to be just as happy as they are?

Yes, the help we need is in fact sitting next to us in the church pews. It's not the cute guy in the back row, but the noisy family in the second row. It is the newly married couple with a toddler and a newborn or the veteran married couple facing an empty nest.

Why not introduce yourself to the families in your parish? Or families, why not reach out to the fellow pew dweller sitting by himself or herself?

"But allowing for married couples and single people to socialize makes for a healthy and balanced community, where single people can get to know one another outside the context of their single lifestyle. A home or a party that includes both married and single classes provides the opportunity for single people to observe one another as a member of a community and as part of a family. Young married couples can act as mentors and advocates for their single-and-seeking friends."

In Monica's post, she meanders through a great fantasy about her friend meeting her husband at a dinner party given by married friends. While she admits that this is a figment of her imagination, it also seems rather intuitive.

Not only can married friends be advocates, but they let you know when you're making a mistake. They can see warning signs faster than your single friends. No woman is going to introduce her friend to a man without screening him first!

Married couples should provide good examples for the singles they know by working at being the best husband or wife they can be. It's important to show the world that marriage can be hard, but rewarding—and worth it.

The help we need is found in our communities, in our families and in our local parishes. Here are some practical ways we can all help each other out:

Are you single?

• Offer to babysit so your married friends can go out on a date.
• Make a dinner for a new mom or an elderly relative.
• Take your nieces and nephews out of the house for an afternoon.
• Share your talents with your married friends, whether it's surprising them with flowers or veggies from your garden or teaching their little ones piano.
• Talk to your married friends about how they knew their spouse was "The One" for them.

Are you married?

• Host a dinner party with couples and your single friends.
• If you know a single person who is new to town or might be alone, invite that person over for a holiday or BBQ.
• Maybe your kids or husband can help mow the lawn or weed the flower beds.
• Maybe you could also remember to pray that we'll meet our spouses.

Making the time and effort to help one another get to Heaven is why we're here. If it takes a little bribing in the form of cooking or babysitting in exchange for a possible suitor—I'm all for it!