Don't Just Pray to Meet 'The One'

There's a story going around about the young woman who made a novena to find a man. Each day she knelt faithfully before the statue of St. Getahunk and prayed the requisite prayers. When the nine days were up and no man appeared, she grabbed the statue of St. Getahunk and hurled it out the window. It struck a man who was passing by. She rushed out, apologized, they introduced themselves, and in due time got married and lived happily ever after.

Do I believe this happened? Yes, actually. I go way back with the saints and I can tell you, they're a quirky bunch.

But at the same time, I hesitate to put the story out there. I've met too many people who, egged on by it, believe that the best way to find a mate is to stay home and special order one: simply pick out a novena, click on “free shipping” and wait for delivery.

And don't forget the special features: young and beautiful, rich and dashing. God can do anything, right?

I once met a guy who, having done absolutely nothing to pursue a young woman he had his heart set on, took his novena to the next level. He asked God to stop her wedding. If ever there was occasion to answer a novena by hurling a blunt object at somebody's head, this was it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for prayer. Getting married is the one of the biggest things of your life, not to mention the riskiest. It has the biggest potential for happiness or suffering. You'd be crazy not to pray.

But after you get up and rub the carpet creases from you knees, do something. Don't stay home and expect the saints to do your work for you. These people put in their time. They lived in caves, were shut up in towers, or became martyrs. Now is your time.

Fortune favors the bold!

Go to interesting places. Do cool new things. Meet people your age with the same interests. For starters look in your diocesan newspaper and see what's doing:

Golden Halos Knitting Circle? Pass. Theology on Tap? Bingo!

The Diocese of Allentown, Pa., where I live, has an annual event called, City Lights  for people ages 18-35. People get dressed up, sip cocktails, enjoy a hot band and comedy, all while meeting lots and lots of young, Catholic singles. In my opinion, every diocese needs to follow our young and with-it bishop. You might ask, why would a bishop care about dating? Because dating leads to marriage. Marriage is a sacrament. Sacraments gives you grace. Grace gets you to heaven!

If you don't have a good local Catholic community, check your local paper too. Go to concerts in the park. Sign up for a class. Join a club. Do these sorts of things and you can't lose because no matter what happens, you will grow as a person.

If you are in a shell, you will need to come out of it. I'm not saying you have to be the life of the party—just that you have to say hello to people and smile at them. Unfortunately, people often think shy people are snooty. A smile makes you approachable. With any luck, you'll find someone who likes to talk who will do most of the heavy lifting. If not, perhaps you can do a service to someone by putting them at ease. Maybe they're nervous too!

On the other hand, it is possible to act too excited to see a potential match. Whether you're a man or a woman: don't look over eager. For some reason being too forward makes people run the other way—a lot like gazelles, only faster.

Instead, meet people in a non threatening way, as a friend.

I know it's stressful to put yourself out there. It might help you to de-stress if you think about how you met your closest friends. It could be someone you grew up with, someone your brother went to college with, someone you met while serving soup at a parish fundraiser, or someone you wished would just go home so you could put your pajamas on and watch your show. You had no idea that when you met that person he or she would become so special to you. Then CLICK! you really discovered the person. Realize that there are just as many ways to meet “the one” you will marry. You never know who God wants to put in your life.

Meanwhile, get out there and meet Him halfway. And of course, pray about it!