Young Adults and the Pain of Solitude: 6 Ways to Help

Over the next few months, I will witness the exchange of vows for several couples; most of whom of whom are friends of my children. These are great young people who will say yes to God’s plan for marriage in a culture that is unsure of the necessity of lifelong commitment.

One of these “soon to be” brides posted a very sad story on Facebook a while back. Her maid of honor had a quiet meltdown after a shower thrown in her honor. This dear friend was overwhelmed by the fact that she was still not engaged much less seriously dating.

I texted the bride to be and asked if there was anything that I could do for either she or her friend. She called me back asking if I could call her dear friend. Of course I said yes. This woman was indeed overwhelmed. “I’m losing hope that I will ever get married,” she silently sobbed. “Is there anyone out there who could ever want me?”

The pain of solitude

Few experiences touch the soul as deeply as the sense of solitude. It hurts—no, it really hurts—to feel the reality of Genesis 2:18 which says, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Nothing strikes at the heart of a person than the feeling of loneliness that this woman knows.

I don’t know all of the particulars of her story, but this woman is certainly not alone in her sadness. More and more young adults are asking the same question. These faithful people believe in the dignity and beauty of marriage intensely and long to enter into a covenant with a spouse and God.

The issue is not convincing them that Sacramental Marriage is a good. The issue is sustaining them during this time of waiting and watching. The culture in the U.S. today is tough on those who desire to marry for a lifetime and raise a family. Young adults are finding it more difficult to withstand society’s message to live for the moment and hook up. The media certainly isn’t telling them to control their emotions, cultivate friendships, and live holiness.

And, when they look around for examples of joyful Catholic marriages, they often come up empty handed. No wonder this young woman is losing hope for God’s plan for love and life.

What can we do?

The job of marriage ministry is to identify practical and effective approaches to meet the pastoral challenges that this woman and others like her are facing. This means we have to uncover down to earth strategies that connect us with young adults and their issues; tactics that nurture their hope.

In Amoris Laetitia, Pope Francis speaks of this when he says, “This effort calls for missionary conversion by everyone in the Church, that is, one that is not content to proclaim a merely theological message without connection to people’s real problems.” (AL 201) Sounds to me like the Pope is suggesting a shift in how we do our business.

My 2014 Synod experience confirms that Pope Francis wants us to become more relational in our work. Rather than meet every challenge with a program, the Holy Father wants us to meet the person first, listen to their story, and then determine the best course of action.

Our Holy Father is urging us to become the resource for people, rather than finding a resource on our shelf. In other words, he wants us to be with them, not do something for them.

Here are just a few ideas that we might try.

1. Identify the young adults in your parish community. Who are they? What are their needs? Why are they coming to your parish?

2. Enter their world of connection; set up social media accounts.

3. Follow them on social media because this is how they share everything.

4. Post your comments. Ensure they know you are interested; that you are there.

5. If a situation arises that allows you to make a personal connection, make it.

6. Invest the time to see the situation through.

The idea of being rather than doing has been part of the Church’s teaching forever. In 1980, Saint John Paul II said this,“Man fully experiences his own nature and vocation only by existing ‘with someone’—and even more deeply and completely by existing ‘for someone.’”