Why You Should Stop Complaining About Your Husband
17
It was only a few weeks after our wedding, and I was shoulder-to-shoulder with several co-workers in the back of an SUV on a car ride out to lunch. The chirping of separate conversations filled the vehicle for several miles until one woman let out an exasperated sigh about balancing her burgeoning corporate career with the 24/7 role of mom, when her husband can’t seem to understand how to pick up the slack.
That one remark might as well have been the flag at the start of a race track line as the conversations immediately melted into one group discussion of woman—with years of marriage and a few divorces between them—venting about their husbands.
Everyone chimed in, going around the car to share an anecdote laced with frustration about the opposite sex. Why can’t they multitask? How do they always get the grocery list wrong? The round robin conversation made its way to me—the least seasoned of the group—and they each looked at me with expectant faces waiting for me to divulge a frustrating aspect of living with my new spouse.
Quietly, I admitted that it still shocks me that it can take my new husband an entire day to complete a lone load of laundry while my multi-tasking talents as a woman allow me to wrap up numerous loads in a day, while making a healthy dinner, checking my email and several other tasks.
The comment escaped quicker than I had anticipated and before we even arrived at our destination, I couldn't help but feel as if I had already violated a code of married couples. It was only a few months prior that I had pledged myself to my husband for life and now I had made a cheeky comment about him in front of my co-workers.
I expected more of myself.
Our years of dating and months of marriage prep taught me that men and woman are purposefully different, but I had no idea prior to our wedding day just how those differences would impact my day-to-day life. Marriage takes an indescribable level of teamwork to merge the personalities, preferences and habits of two individuals who have lived separately for nearly 30 years. It takes time, focused effort, and more patience than I thought I would have to muster.
But it’s these differences that make our union complete—imperfect in so many ways yet a living example of the grace that God provides to us each and every day. Lisa Duffy wrote about this so eloquently in one of her recent posts:
“I believe this is very much the way God designed marriage to be…for a man and woman who are equal in dignity yet different in their gifts and talents, to live together in this same sort of harmony.” - Lisa Duffy
To live in this state of harmony, it’s crucial that we build up and do not break down our spouses with our words or actions. Even when their habits baffle us and their choices make our lives seemingly more difficult, we should be empowering them to be the best person they can be. We should recognize the intrinsic value they bring to the partnership, and openly discuss any conflicts with each other and not with our friends and family.
The sacred bond of marriage is threatened everyday by the ability to post, tweet, share and forward our every gripe, frustration and hurt. These opportunities creep in, even in the most unexpected moments like my own experience, and they chip away at the holy, intimate relationship of a husband and wife.
For 2015, I encourage you to join me in working every day to empower your significant other, fiancé, or spouse. Look to veteran married couples for support. They will inspire you to guard your relationship like one of your most valuable possessions, and avoid the temptation to share your gripes with others, however light-hearted it may seem. Instead, look for ways to build up the other person, and in turn, I know that they will do the same for you.
And that’s what healthy, Catholic marriages are made of.
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