What is Human Sexuality?

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Editor’s Note: In preparation for the World Meeting of Families (WMOF) in September, CatholicMatch Institute is excited to present a series from the USCCB Secretariat of Laity, Marriage, Family Life and Youth. Each post will offer reflections from the preparatory catechesis Love is Our Mission: The Family Fully Alive. I will be co-presenting at the WMOF with CatholicMatch CEO and co-founder, Brian Barcaro and CatholicMatch Institute contributor, Danielle Bean! We’ll be presenting on the topic, “Where is This Relationship Going? Dating as Discernment.” In this fifth post in the series we will take a look at the third chapter of the catechesis, The Meaning of Human Sexuality. Read the entire series here.

As we continue to prepare for the World Meeting of Families, this month we reflect on the meaning of human sexuality, covered in chapter three of the catechesis. This chapter focuses on the meaning of the physical world for spiritual persons. Our bodies, in particular, speak of the human being’s call to love. As noted in paragraph 43, referencing the Letter on the Collaboration of Men and Women, sexual difference reveals the spousal call of the human person and is not merely functional for the continuation the species.  The catechesis goes on to remind us that “man and woman are willed for each other” (no. 44) and that “we are never self-sufficient” (no. 45).  

At the end of college, I was privileged to see the complementarity of these two states in a visible way. My friend Erika got engaged her junior year. For most of us, it was the first engagement of a friend, and at the bridal shower we giggled as we played shower games for the first time and ate finger food. A few of the women at the shower were among a (strikingly high) number from that graduating class who entered religious life. Natalie and Terri, two of that number, told us about the different parts of religious habits that they would embrace while we were discussing Erika’s wedding dress and their hopes for children.

I wondered if the wedding would make Natalie or Terri sad, since they would never have one, and all little girls dream about their weddings. While there may have been pangs that were hidden from view, they both seemed to enjoy every minute of the wedding weekend. They sang and danced, gathered flowers, prayed with Erika, and were generally just “normal” bridesmaids. After celebrating Erika and Todd and watching the happy couple drive away, the rest of the crowd gathered for a final party.

When I look around at that scene in my memory, I am overwhelmed by God’s goodness. Natalie and Terri have become vowed religious in two different communities, and two of the young men became priests. Three other women at that party entered religious life, but discerned they were not called to it after a few years. Many of the group married and have children. It has been more than 10 years now since that party, and there are no divorces, no broken vows. In an unusual way, my friends that summer gave me concrete examples of being willing to give your life completely back to Christ in marriage or in celibacy for the Kingdom, for life.

For those people who are still single and discerning their vocations, how can they answer the call to love?

The call to love is, as it were, the primordial call—the first and foremost call. It is the call of Baptism. No one is exempt from it, so while there are many people who may not marry or take a religious vow, the call to love is still theirs. Single people are called to respond to the needs of the moment in the same way that married or religious are; but instead of a baby’s cry or a bell, it may be a phone call, a favor, a meal, a joke. It may also be taking care of yourself so that you can love others: singleness does not mean you have to babysit for your friends every weekend! In meeting the requirements of love in the moment, single people practice the self-sacrifice we are all called to, in order to find life.

What advice would you give a person who is unsure on how to discern their vocation?

Try not to make this such an abstract question. It’s a concrete question of how you can love best.  Analogously, think about a man who really wants to date you; He’s going to make it clear. So don’t stress about it. God will also never force you to do anything; He will only invite. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

I know 10 women who discerned a religious vocation in the course of our friendship, so I had a front-row seat to a lot of discernment. It was primarily characterized by peace throughout the process of maybe-maybe not- maybe, and grew to joy and conviction with time. Obviously you should be living a life of grace (pray every day, seek the virtues, go to confession often, receive the Eucharist often, etc) and allow the Lord to direct your heart.

How do the two vocations—marriage and the religious life—both follow the virtue of chastity?

Both vocations involve giving your whole self—body and soul—back to God. The virtue of chastity is the virtue having to do with this gift of self in terms of sexuality. So while they look different—marriage obviously includes giving your body sexually to another human person while religious life is giving your body to God in a vow of virginity—they are both the gift of the body to accompany the movement of the soul. In marriage, two human persons realize that they can’t imagine living their lives without one another; in the priesthood or religious life, a human person [and possibly a community] realize that God alone will do, and He has provided a place. Persons who are grounded in the virtue of chastity are the only ones with the capacity to understand the gift they are giving, because they have self-control and the ability to see the person for who they are and not as an object. Those who do not practice the virtue of chastity—which is a lifelong project, not a onetime deal—will have many more problems in either marriage or religious life.

Action Items:

  • Purge from your life anything that challenges your struggle to live chastely: pornography, romance novels, sometimes even mainstream romantic movies. They’re not worth it.
  • If you’re discerning a vocation, find friends who can help you, support you, and pray for you.
  • Practice responding to the needs of the moment today. Or at least the next four hours!

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