What Does The Bible Say About Dating? (Including Bible Verses)
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Have you ever wondered to yourself, "what does the Bible say about dating?" After all, we so often turn to the Bible for other common questions we have during our lives! Catholic singles often have many questions about romantic relationships, and they should be turning to a variety of sources to get their answers...including God's own word.
Sometimes, it feels like there is a one-size-fits-all mentality in Christian dating circles. We look to our married friends and family members for examples, maybe we hear talks about dating at our young adult groups. But, what about scripture? If you've never cracked open your Bible to see what it has to say about relationships, keep reading, you might be surprised what the Bible says about dating!
So, What Does The Bible Say About Dating Exactly?
Nothing. The Bible never mentions dating. While some have taken that to mean that we shouldn’t date, I don’t think that’s the case. After all, the Bible also doesn’t say anything about cars or computers. Dating, in its current form, simply didn’t exist during Biblical times. People entered into arranged marriages, and often, with a relative. However, while the Bible doesn’t have much to say about dating specifically, it does speak plainly about what love is and what a healthy relationship should look like. For these reasons, we can still use it as a model for how we should date.
What Does The Bible Say About Dating Age?
Just as The Bible says nothing specific about dating, it also says nothing about age and dating. Obviously, the norms for age and marriage were very different during Biblical times than they are today! However, other than that, The Bible has nothing to say about age and relationships.
Where In The Bible Does it Talk About Dating?
There are no specific passages that use the term "dating", however, there are several passages in the Bible that address romantic relationships and situations that are unique to dating. The Bible and dating as we know it today may seem like there is no overlap. But, even though The Bible has been around for thousands of years, it is still very relevant to our romantic relationships now. Keep reading to get the answer to the question, "what does The Bible say about relationships?" and more!
4 Bible Verses About Dating
Genesis 2:18
"The LORD God said: It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suited to him."
What this tells us about dating:
We know that God desires companionship for us. Even if we think God doesn’t care about our dating life or if we ever find someone, He does.
Proverbs 31:30
“Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
What this tells us about dating:
A relationship with the Lord is the most important thing that we should seek in a partner. This passage very clearly answers the question, "What does the Bible say about relationships?" The answer is, find someone who shares your faith!
1 Corinthians 6:18
"Avoid immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the immoral person sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?"
What this tells us about dating:
Chastity is a must. Date someone who won’t just respect your values, but honors their own chastity, as well.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
What this tells us about dating:
This is the way that God loves us; this is the type of love we should strive for in our dating relationships.
What Does The Bible Say About Dating Unbelievers?
Both The Old Testament and the New Testament alike give us plenty from the Bible on dating those who don't share our Christian faith or values. It is fair to say that the Bible does caution us in our interactions, especially romantic relationships, with unbelievers.
2 Corinthians 6:14-16
“Do not be yoked with those who are different, with unbelievers. For what partnership do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?"
What this verse tells us about dating:
We should be careful about who we are tying ourselves to, as that person can influence us. Furthermore, we will probably have more in common with someone who shares our faith. St. Paul seems to be echoing this passage from another in Deuteronomy...
Deuteronomy 7:1-4
"When the LORD, your God, brings you into the land which you are about to enter to possess, and removes many nations before you...and when the LORD, your God, gives them over to you and you defeat them, you shall put them under the ban. Make no covenant with them and do not be gracious to them. You shall not intermarry with them, neither giving your daughters to their sons nor taking their daughters for your sons. For they would turn your sons from following me to serving other gods, and then the anger of the LORD would flare up against you and he would quickly destroy you."
What this verse tells us about dating:
It is important to consider what type of example someone will be for your future children when dating someone. These dire verses warn us of the very real possibility that marrying outside the faith could result in our children practicing a different faith, or no faith at all.
However, St. Paul makes it clear that it is not just unbelievers we need to be cautious about...
1 Corinthians 5:9-12
“I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people, not at all referring to the immoral of this world or the greedy and robbers or idolaters; for you would then have to leave the world. But I now write to you not to associate with anyone named a brother, if he is immoral, greedy, an idolater, a slanderer, a drunkard, or a robber, not even to eat with such a person. For why should I be judging outsiders? Is it not your business to judge those within?"
What this verse tells us about dating:
St. Paul shifts the emphasis away from whether or not they are an unbeliever or believer, to if they are someone who is truly “walking the walk”. You want to spend time with someone who encourages you to become the best version of yourself. Just because someone is Catholic doesn’t mean they will guide you toward virtue.
Old Testament Dating Guidance:
The Old Testament, specifically, tells some beautiful stories of courtship and marriage. In Genesis 29, Jacob falls in love with Rachel. He says to Rachel’s father, Laban, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.” Later, after learning that he has been tricked by Laban into marrying Leah, Laban’s oldest daughter, Jacob works another seven years for the opportunity to marry Rachel.
While this story may seem very unrelatable to our modern society, we can glean a valuable lesson from Jacob’s actions. Jacob showed immense sacrifice and dedication to the woman that he wanted to be with. Sometimes, we forget that relationships take work. We expect to always feel good, happy, and loved, and the first time things become difficult, we want to end the relationship. Jacob reminds us that we have to put in time and effort in order to make a relationship work, and in order to become the person that Jesus wants us to be—a person that is able to love selflessly.
We find another example of Old Testament dating guidance in the book of Tobit. Tobiah and Sarah are led to each other through prayer. On their wedding night, they pray for God’s protection and say the following: “Now, not with lust, but with fidelity I take this kinswoman as my wife. Send down your mercy on me and on her, and grant that we may grow old together.” (Tobit 8:7)
This is the goal of Christian dating—to find someone to marry. While physical attraction plays a role in any relationship, Christian dating is not driven by lust. We choose our spouse with the intent to get them to Heaven, and with confidence that they will help us get there, too. We date to find someone we want to grow old with. Tobiah and Sarah’s prayer can be our prayer as we discern our relationships.
And, What Does God Say About Dating?
As was mentioned previously, there are no specific verses in the Bible that share exactly what God has to say about dating. That being said, as Catholics, we know there are some rules that we must follow when dating.
One of them specifically is to date chastely and to avoid all sexual sin. When dating, we must have firm self-control to avoid sex until we are in a marriage relationship. If you're curious about what does the Bible say about sex before marriage, we have an article that goes further in-depth on that topic and the Biblical principles of dating with a pure heart.
For more passages in the Bible that address romantic relations, see Romans, Thessalonians, Philippians 2, Timothy 2, and Galatians 5.
Does God Tell You Who to Date?
God gave us free will, so I hesitate to say that God ever tells us who to date. However, God has a plan for us that will lead to our ultimate happiness and holiness. Therefore, we should always seek His guidance regarding who to date and who not to date.
If we are open to His voice and His will, He will guide us in the right direction.
In Genesis 24, Abraham’s servant is tasked with finding a wife for Isaac. He prays for clarity about whom this woman should be:
“While I stand here at the spring, if I say to a young woman who comes out to draw water, ‘Please give me a little water from your jug,’ and she answers, ‘Drink, and I will draw water for your camels, too—then she is the woman whom the LORD has decided upon for my master’s son.’” (Genesis 24:43-44).
Interestingly, while Rebekah may have been chosen by God to be with Isaac, she is still given a choice about whether or not to marry him.
“They answered, 'Let us call the young woman and see what she herself has to say about it.' So they called Rebekah and asked her, 'Will you go with this man?' She answered, 'I will.' " (Genesis 24:57-58).
The story of Isaac and Rebecca demonstrates the importance of turning to prayer to find your spouse. Sometimes, God’s way is crystal clear; other times, it may not be obvious at all. Ultimately, though, just like Rebekah, we have the freedom to choose someone, whether God points us to them or not.
Is Dating Biblical, Then?
Simply put, no. There are no Bible verses specifically about what God says about dating, nor does it mention "dating" in the Bible at all. However, as I mentioned previously, there is plenty of romance (hello, Song of Solomon!) and lots of relationships with the opposite sex in the Bible that we can draw on.
Final Thoughts on The Bible and Dating:
As Catholics, we believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God. However, it is not our sole authority on God’s word. We believe that the Holy Spirit also guides us through Magisterial Church teaching and Church tradition. That said, other resources, like the Catechism of the Catholic Church or St. Pope John Paul II’s Theology of the Body, may be helpful when it comes to understanding what God says about dating and finding more Catholic dating advice.
Even though the Bible does not explicitly reference dating, it provides us with many stories of courtship, marriage, and love—the greatest of these being God’s love for us. All of scripture points toward the love that Christ has for His people—and that is the love that we are called to imitate in dating and ultimately, in marriage.
Bible Dating FAQS:
Is it a sin to have a boyfriend?
Of course not! As a woman, if you feel called to the vocation of marriage, you will have to date and have a boyfriend in order to fulfill that calling. There are ways you might act sinfully with your boyfriend, but it is certainly not sinful to have one.
Does God want you to be single?
God has a unique vocation planned for you. Depending on what He may or may not be calling you to do will determine whether or not you should remain single or not. Discerning your vocation takes time and lots of prayer! Don't rush it or jump to conclusions.
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