Lectio Divina: The Perfect Prayer for Couples

Have you ever practiced Lectio Divina, either on your own or perhaps in a parish prayer group?

If you are unfamiliar with it, it is an ancient practice of contemplative prayer with the aid of reading Scripture and “letting Scripture read you.”

The practice is very gentle and non-confrontational, so it is perfect to do with friends, a girlfriend/boyfriend, or a spouse. It can give you insight into Scripture and one another and draw you closer to God. Before I share some beautiful passages with which to start, here is a brief primer on what Lectio Divina is and how to do it.

Lectio Divina is translated as “Divine Reading.” It was introduced in the early Church by St. Gregory of Nyssa (c 330- 395), and also encouraged by St. Benedict of Nursia (c 480-547), the founder of the Benedictine order.

Steps to Divine Reading:

1. Prepare. You will want to set aside time when you can be unhurried in your meditations. You should have at least 30 minutes, but once you get used to it and love it, you may find you easily spend 45 minutes or an hour in this meditation. Have the things you need on hand, namely your Bible, a notebook or journal, and a pen or pencil.

Also, decide ahead of time what passage you will be using so you don’t waste time flipping around. Some people like to focus on the daily readings of the Mass or follow something in their Bible reading track. Finally, be sure to silence your phone and turn off any unnecessary devices that will draw you away from your contemplation.

2. Pray. Starting off with "Come Holy Spirit" is excellent. Or you can simply just ask God to speak to you through His Word and that you would have eyes to see and ears to hear.

3. Read. This first reading is just a read-through. You are not expected to have any great revelations the first time through. This isn’t a Bible study. There will be no questions you need to answer, context you need to understand, or original languages to reference. Just read. But, read slowly so as to understand what the passage says at a very basic level.

4. Meditate. With this step, you are going to read it again, but this time read the passage through very slowly, being sure to stop at anything that jumps out to you as significant. After reading, pause to reflect on what God may be saying to you through the verses. Please resist the urge to fall into some kind of study-mode. In this kind of reading, the Scripture becomes very personal. What is God saying to you?

5. Respond. You are going to read it a third time. Yes, a third time! Very slowly. It is more than OK if you don’t even read the whole passage again. In fact, there may just be one or two verses or phrases that are really speaking to you. Read just those very slowly and with intention. And you are now going to enter a conversation with God. This is where your journal will come in. It is easy to get distracted or to lose the grasp on the insight the Lord is giving you. So, write it down. Talk to the Lord and listen to what he is saying to you. 

6. Rest. After the third reading and your response to the Lord, rest. Sit in silence and contemplate. This is where the Holy Scriptures sort of “read us”—working on us for transformation, imprinting on our souls God’s vision for us, finding ourselves in the lines of Scripture.

Remember in this process, whether you are doing it alone or with others, that it is a very subjective and experiential thing. This isn’t a Bible study or a class, and there are no right answers. What jumps out to one person may not be what jumps out to another. Resist the urge to search for the “right” message.

Doing Lectio Divina with others means that you read aloud, perhaps taking turns, and give plenty of time for each person to finish their process before moving on to the next section. Respect is key in each person feeling safe to open up spiritually in the presence of another. This method is gentle as I have mentioned, but it also relies heavily on each individual conducting themselves with respect and in charity.

Praying Lectio Divina as a couple.

Here are three beautiful passages to use for Lectio Divina in relationships and why I think they are ideal meditation for couples:

Philippians 2:1-11

This passage, which is unfortunately rarely used in weddings, speaks to the deep reality of Sacramental Marriage, namely sacrifice. The way of marriage is the way of the cross. This passage shows us how Jesus embraced the cross in all humility and by that very action shows us the way to walk in unity and peace toward one another—without merely looking out for our own interests, but preferring one another.

Matthew 20:26-28

This passage from the Gospel according to Matthew tells us the purpose for which Christ came into our world. He didn’t come to be served (although deserving of all service!) but to serve. He came to show us the way to live our lives. How does this manifest in the regular day-to-day stuff of living? That is what the Lord will show you when you take time to sit with this passage in the Divine Reading.

John 2:1-11

There is a reason marriage prep is often called “Pre-Cana.” What takes place in the wedding of Cana in this passage has layers upon layers. The relationship of Jesus and the Blessed Mother, the relationship of the Blessed Mother to the wedding guests, the relationship of Jesus to the Wedding Guests, the role of the servants in the accomplishing of the Lord’s first miracle in his earthly ministry, and so much more. Whether you are preparing for marriage or already married, meditating on this miracle at a wedding feast can shine so much light on your own marriage and relationship journey, and whether or not we have invited Jesus to our celebrations.

Finally, if spiritual exercises are a new thing in your relationship, there is no better time to start than immediately. The way it will draw your hearts together cannot be quantified. It will help you to become the kind of partner you want to be. It will help strengthen your spiritual life and dedication to the Lord, and show you ways you can live a more victorious Christian life.