They Found the Secret to Real Love in a Double Bed

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I just left a funeral that celebrated a woman who lived to be 97. She lived a simple German joy that came from daily hard work and abundant love. Her obituary said that she was the heart of her family: a devoted wife, mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother. This was clearly evident from the number of family members in attendance. Their tears reflected a deep gratitude for this sweet lady. But they paled in comparison to the testament shown by her husband of nearly 76 years.

They had been married just 6 weeks shy of their seventy-sixth wedding anniversary before she died in his presence.

He met her in a dance hall during a leave from the military. He was the designated driver for his buddies who wanted to spend a night in the company of good looking women. He had no desire to find someone that night.

However, God had other plans. As he told me, "I walked into the hall and spotted her across the room. I went up to her immediately and knew instantaneously she was going to be my wife." (It took her a bit longer to figure it out.)

In less than a year, they married and began their family. God graced them with seven children who perfected their patience and teamwork. Their wedded life was a balance of burden and bliss, sorrow and silliness, conflicts and comfort. No matter what the day brought, they would meet each other in their small, double bed every night where they would snuggle together and find true conjugal spirituality.

What is conjugal spirituality?

Trust me—it is much more than sexual pleasure. Rather, it is the way a husband and wife share in the experience of God together. It is their ability to unite in all things and grow together in holiness. Conjugal spirituality is the consistent melding of two into one. As each spouse assumes the responsibility of redeeming the other, both become part of a shared self that slept in a cozy double bed.

This couple became a shared self. As the years passed, the aging process did what it naturally does; it slowed them up, wrinkled their skin, muted their hearing and dulled their thinking. But, it never diminished their ability to hold each other and find comfort in each other's embrace atop their modest double bed.

And when she breathed her last, he was lying beside her in that same bed.

She took her last breath in that double bed with him lying next to her. Even though most of her memories of him had long been forgotten, his touch was still something she knew. It sustained her until the final moment when she transitioned from his hands into those of the heavenly angels.

This couple's marriage epitomized the beauty of God's plan for marriage. For 3/4 of a century, they witnessed to faithful, fruitful, and and permanent love. Their marriage was indissoluble: God himself determined it. They lived the gospel..."what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder."

Under God's protection and mercy, they weathered the Great Depression, one World and one Cold War, the sexual revolution, and everything else that the culture could pitch into their path. The world's worries only gave them more reason to come together at the end of the day and share it with the other.

Now that she is gone, the family told me they are worried about him.

How will he handle sleeping alone after so many years? My prayer is that God will be there with him as he holds her pajamas and pulls them to his chest; that the Holy Spirit will let him smell her essence in the blanket and spread; that he will feel Christ's warmth as he cheek caresses her pillow.

In the pastoral letter Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, you will find this quote.

By the power of the Holy Spirit, spouses become willing to do the acts and courtesies of love toward each other, regardless of the feelings of the moment. They are formed by the self-giving love of Christ for his Church as his Bride, and so they are enabled to perform acts of self-giving love to the benefit of themselves, their families, and the whole Church.

I am so grateful that this couple—my aunt and uncle—allowed the Holy Spirit to enter into their marriage and animate it.  They showed me and all of my relatives that God's presence—especially in their double bed—is the secret to true love.

Editor’s Note: We are in the middle of Catholic Marriage Week, an important part of National Marriage Week! We will be publishing posts that celebrate the beauty of marriage from now until February 14th. Stay tuned!

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