Kathy dreamed of finding a match who shared her beloved faith, but she was having no luck meeting anyone. So she turned to online dating in March of 2020, expecting her annulment to be finalized any week. She second-guessed herself, though, being scared to think about romance again. So, she simply ignored her account and didn’t log in again!
“I was scared of online dating because I felt like I was applying for a job and being interviewed,” Kathy explains. She felt that nobody online would be able to relate to her life stage: she was in her fifties, but still had a young daughter. Wouldn’t everyone in her age range be out of parenting youngsters?
John, meanwhile, had joined online dating as a first choice to meet other singles.
He didn’t want to try “picking up” women in the grocery store or something! Unbeknownst to Kathy, he was near her age and had a ten-year-old daughter, very similar in age to Kathy’s own youngest child. (John’s first wife passed away just a couple of years before.) He ran across Kathy’s profile a couple of months after she joined, and he messaged her a happy Mother’s Day. He received silence in return. So it goes, he thought.
But then fate (or was it the Holy Spirit?) intervened. Kathy's annulment had been delayed due to the COVID-19 pandemic, so she hadn't logged into CatholicMatch all that summer. “I don’t understand it, I had so much love to give to someone!" she remembers praying. "I didn’t think (marriage) would happen again to me, but I knew in my heart I wasn’t finished.” She thought maybe she needed to reallocate her love to other people in other ways, as her annulment process dragged on. She braved checking her account in October that year and saw John’s message from months before. “I saw John's message and replied back to him, as a courtesy more than anything else!” she recalls. John was quick to engage in the conversation, and the two communicated on the messaging system for a couple of weeks. They discovered they lived just an hour apart from each other in New Jersey, and also both had birthdays in August.
John asked for a phone number, and then a date, and the two finally met on November 14th.
They met at a restaurant halfway between their hometowns and found themselves immediately engrossed in conversation about their faith journeys and life experiences. They talked so long, they were asked to leave because the restaurant was closing! They went out again in December, and though they had an equally lovely time, Kathy put a stop to their budding romance. She was STILL waiting on the finalization of her annulment, which she knew was supposed to have gone through by now.
“At that time I was very confused and scared, and I told John I wasn't ready,” she remembers. John’s response could only be described as beautiful: “I hope when you ARE ready, I can share this journey with you." Kathy felt at that moment she was holding back from exactly the relationship the Lord wanted for her, but knew in her heart she needed more time to be officially free to pursue a sacramental marriage.
John was as good as his word and kept in touch via text over Christmas and the new year. Kathy felt very torn because she knew John was such a good person, and then at the end of 2020, her annulment was finalized. She held back from reaching back out to John, though, until January 22nd, when she had a dream: she dreamed John was standing in front of her, and she heard the words “call him” very clearly.
“I kind of felt like St. Joseph, where the Angel Gabriel came to him in a dream!” Kathy laughs. How can you ignore a sign like that?!
So Kathy finally responded to John and they reconnected.
They set up another date on February 13th of 2021, right before Valentine’s Day. Kathy took the leap of faith and agreed to start an official relationship with John, who of course was thrilled–his patience had not been in vain!
“Once I learned to let go of my fear and let John in, everything started to flow naturally,” Kathy says. After that date, they arranged for their children to meet each other. Since family was a core value for them both, they wanted to ensure their children got to be a part of their growing relationship. So, later in February, they took their daughters out snow tubing followed by cozy indoor board games, and the four of them had a great time! Kathy and John continued to involve their daughters in many weekend activities and dates. They didn’t neglect time with just the two of them though, opting to spend a week near the Bahamas, a couple of road trips to the nearby Cape May, and visiting the Divine Mercy Shrine in Stockbridge, Massachusetts.
They also shared their previous marriage stories.
John had been married for nearly 19 years, and she had passed away in 2019. The grieving process for himself and especially his daughter was very difficult, and some of his other family members were having difficulty seeing John pursue a new romance. But John maintained faith that God would bring the right person into his life at the right time. And here was Kathy!
She had been married for 21 years and had four children, the youngest girl being 12 and the eldest boy being 25. She had gone through a painful divorce in 2016 and had full custody of her children. She didn’t date for several years after the divorce, instead taking time to focus solely on her spiritual life and trusting God with her heart. She mistakenly felt that she wouldn't have much to offer in another relationship. She instead focused on her children, as well as moving into her late parents’ home and updating it with renovations. Until, of course, she braved the online dating world and met John!
They found both common and differing experiences in their previous marriages, and they bonded over their desire to pursue a future Catholic sacramental marriage.
John made secret plans with all of Kathy’s children (and their significant others) to meet up at the Rose Garden in Colonia Park of Somerset, New Jersey. On November 7th of 2021, proposed to Kathy while a live violinist played romantic music, and they celebrated the engagement with all of their children present! It had been almost exactly a year since their first date.
Kathy and John plan to marry in 2023.
As they look forward to marriage, they spend almost every weekend together (yes, along with their kids!) and visit wineries and bowling alleys. They both work to be involved with their parishes and are excited to live together in Kathy’s renovated family home after the wedding.
“Each of us has gone through great suffering and has walked through that season of suffering. Now we are looking forward to a new journey together!” they say.
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