Want A Sacramental Marriage? Do These 5 Things

There is no question that divorce is a crisis in our society. According to the UN's Demographics and Social Statistics Division, many countries including the US have very sad numbers when it comes to the marriage/divorce ratio (believe it or not, Belgium is reported to have a 71% divorce rate).

 It's not about being the "bride's day" or the party afterward. It's about the sacrament. And because marriage has the dignity and life-giving grace of a sacrament, there should be a dramatic difference between statistics of divorced Catholics and the rest of society. But, it seems that Catholics tend to follow the trend and divorce almost as much as everyone else. Why in the world is that happening?

Part of it is due to poorly catechized generations, part of it is the shabby example millions of married and divorced couples have given, and part of it is definitely due to the ease of obtaining a divorce and the hookup/cohabitation culture. But a lot of it is also ignorance on the part of dating and engaged couples about what will prevent them from bringing a sacramental marriage into being.

Marriage Insurance

As a single Catholic, you can help lower the divorce rate by making sure your first marriage is your only marriage, and is as solid as possible. But do you recognize it goes beyond just marrying someone with whom you are head-over heels in love? Do you know what could invalidate your marriage? Here are 5 critical things to know that will help to ensure you will have a sacramental marriage:

1.     Don't drink before the ceremony.

There is a good reason why our priests warn against having bachelor/bachelorette parties the night before the wedding. Many brides and grooms have gotten so intoxicated the night before, they're still drunk in the morning as they approach the altar. There also have been times where there will be several champagne toasts with family and friends before the ceremony, or just drinking to calm wedding day jitters but this could also prevent you from having a sacramental marriage if your ability to reason is lost.

2.    Get married in the presence of a priest or deacon.

We all loved that episode of The Office where Jim and Pam escape to a Niagra Falls tour boat and got married by the captain because their co-workers had ruined their special day back at the church. But in real life, if two Catholics don't exchange their vows in front of either a priest or a deacon, there is no sacramental marriage. So if you were thinking of eloping instead of facing the pressure of the wedding, make sure you have a deacon or a priest present when you do it. The captain of the boat won't suffice.

3.    Make sure you and your spouse-to-be are on the same page regarding having children.

I'll let the Catechism of the Catholic Church do the speaking here:

The spouses’ union achieves the twofold end of marriage: the good of the spouses

themselves and the transmission of life. These two meanings or values of marriage

cannot be separated without altering the couple’s spiritual life and compromising the

goods of marriage and the future of the family. The conjugal love of man and woman

thus stands under the two-fold obligation of fidelity and fecundity (CCC, #2363).

If one or both people do not want to have children, or if one or both spouses have had elective sterilization (tubes tied, vasectomy, or elective hystorectomy) a sacramental marriage cannot be created.

4.    Both spouses must be baptized.

That's right, it takes two baptized people to create a sacramental marriage. I am not advocating mixed-faith marriages here, on the contrary I believe the healthiest marriages are formed when spouses share the same faith. But, what happens if you fall in love with someone of another faith or maybe someone with no faith at all? As long as you both are baptized Christians, you can potentially create a sacramental marriage. A Catholic and a Catholic, a Presbyterian and a Lutheran, a Catholic and a Baptist, etc. If you or your spouse to be aren't baptized, it's not a sacramental marriage.

5.    Have a serious talk about your views on divorce.

I know, you're probably thinking something along the lines of, "Divorce is not a word in my vocabulary" or "As long as we love each other, there is no other option." That's a good start, but I guarantee you it's not enough. Why? Because marriage is hard. Inevitably there comes a difficult time when you think, "I didn't sign up for this." But the truth is, you did, so in those incredibly difficult moments you both must be committed to getting through it, not throwing in the towel.

Not only is marriage hard, but there's a whole society out there that wants and actively seeks to break up your marriage through pornography, secret affairs, and much more. Before you get married is the time to seriously talk about any "deal breakers" you might be harboring. In my own experience, knowing now is far better than the alternative.

Got questions? Email me at asklisa@catholicmatch.com.