There’s No Keeping Score in Marriage
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I'll never forget watching that game as newlyweds.
Millions of Americans sit glued to our TVs every winter to watch the Super Bowl unfold. Even as a die-hard baseball fan, I, too, sit at the edge of my couch as the score tilts in favor of either team. Each answered scoring drive heightens the excitement until one team claims victory over the other.
As the Gatorade was dumped and the winning team stormed the field as victors on the nationally televised stage, I looked over at my husband and thought of the new team we formed together when we said: “I do.” We drafted each other and on that special day, we created a contract between each other and God. And just like any other team, it continues to take practice to make our marriage work.
We’re a dedicated team with the same goal—to get each other to Heaven.
But even in marriage, where we’re both diligently working toward mutual goals, it’s tempting to keep score. Much like a football game, each successful set of plays deserves a return on the kick, right? I handle the laundry. He manages the bills. I cut the coupons and clean the house. He dutifully oversees any outside maintenance.
Yet things like scheduling appointments, running to the grocery store, and making sure we send out family birthday cards don’t fall on any one person’s to-do list, and as a Type A person that enjoys being on the go, I find myself innately handling these tasks.
There are also times when my husband, George, travels for work, and I dutifully clean our home, let out the dog after work every night, and pick up the slack over the weekend to let him overcome the jet lag. Then there are the nights where he works late, and I find myself dutifully shoveling our driveway with the winter wind whipping across my face.
It would be easy to mentally tally the points from each of these small tasks that went over and above my designated responsibilities. I struggle with the temptation to prove that I’ve recently invested more time and effort into managing our life as a married couple.
But in reality, that would cause division in our marriage.
We are called to die to ourselves each and every day, which means that we take our eyes off of a fictitious scoreboard and instead, look for ways to give more and to love deeper.
In marriage, there will always be times when one spouse contributes more in one area than the other. Maybe you’re up in the wee hours of the morning nursing your newborn for what feels like the hundredth time.
Or maybe you’re taking MBA evening classes, so your husband has to manage daycare pick-up and dinner on his own. It’s in these seasons where true married love shines above the worldly temptation to let anger and resentment infiltrate our hearts.
Build a marriage that lasts a lifetime.
When the needs of your spouse trump your own, in both the small moments and the life-changing events, you honor your marriage vows and your call to truly become one. This level of unconditional love and service to one another is more powerful than we can comprehend, and it fuels the strong marriages that our world so desperately needs.
It’s not always easy, but as Catholics, we’re equipped with the tools to see beyond our individual needs and desires and to focus on the needs of our spouse, our family, and the greater world around us.
When we don’t keep score, we all win.
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