Is how we dress really that important when it comes to dating? After all, isn’t it better to not focus on how we look?
What if I told you that the way you clothe yourself can affirm your primordial identity as women and men, therefore positively impacting your relationship with the opposite sex.
Let’s dive into it.
How we dress communicates to ourselves that we have a body worthy of respect and a personality worthy of expression. The more we dress to dignify our bodies, the more we internalize that we are indeed individuals of value. The more we communicate to ourselves and others that we are worthy of respect and love, the more it becomes second nature to our perception of ourselves.
How we dress is also especially important when it comes to communication between men and women.
Let’s recall what happened in Genesis between Adam, Eve, and the serpent. Their doubt in God’s love caused a fracturing in their relationship with Him, immediately causing a similar fracture in their relationship with each other. Concupiscence entered the world and they lost the initial ease and understanding of each other’s identity.
We still feel this fracture today. Consider how stark the differences between men and women can be. The saying “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” sometimes seems painfully true.
“Why is he so disconnected from his emotions?” “Why is she so emotional?”
There’s a natural difference between men and women that is complementary, yet fraught with frustration and confusion, thanks to sin. Yet somehow, men and women are still instinctively drawn to each other – despite our differences. There’s a desire to be in union with one another, even when it’s hard. Men and women still want to understand each other. Just as our words and actions are vital for communicating with each other, so is the way we physically express ourselves – including how we dress.
Men and women look different. How’s that for a “duh” statement! More notedly, men and women physically express themselves differently because of the physical and internal differences. All you need to do is walk into a department store to see one side dedicated to bright colors, patterns, billowing fabrics, embellishments, patterns, etc., and the other side dedicated to neutral tones, sturdy fabrics, structured silhouettes, and versatile basics. While trends are currently changing due to gender identity politics and you can see men regularly wearing nail polish now, overall, you can count on a women’s section to be the one selling dresses and heels.
The material difference in men's and women’s clothing points toward an internal truth about the masculine and feminine identities. Overall, men’s fashion primarily focuses on structure and silhouette. Consider blazers, button-downs, slacks, jackets, suits, and coats. Men’s garments are cut to highlight the angles, lines, broadness, and overall stature of the male body. His clothes are engineered to flatter and emphasize a strong frame. The color palette usually tends toward muted, versatile, neutral tones like tan, olive, navy, white, and black. Men’s clothing reflects a masculine nature that is no-fuss, straightforward, and direct.
There’s an unchanging element to men’s style, which contrasts with the ever-moving, flowing, artistic expression of women’s style.
Women’s clothing has an array of diverse options with dresses, skirts, shorts, capris, culottes, wide-leg pants, flares, tank tops, blouses, etc., all in different prints, patterns, colors, silhouettes, and embellishments. Women’s clothing does focus on flattering the body, but it places more value on the expression of the individual woman herself. Womenswear is more likely to draw a woman’s attention initially with a fun pleated detail, sleeve ruffle, or floral print. A woman picks up an item that’s drawn her in its unique design first, making her wonder, “How does this express who I am as a person? Does this reflect my personality?” Women’s fashion is directed at expressing a woman’s feminine nature, her essence, her openness, her beauty, her heart, her soul, her joie de vivre. It’s later, when she puts the garment on in the dressing room, that she considers the garment’s structure, asking, “Does this flatter my body?”
In short, women’s fashion tends to capture the spirit first – it appeals to the soul, in which women tend to place more value. The expression of women’s fashion tends to be more in tune to certain aspects of color, detail, and beauty. Women are more relational, people-centric, and put more focus on emotions which stem from her interior self. She asks, “How does this dress make me feel? What do my clothes share about my personality to others?” A woman considers how she can best express the beauty of her identity. She finds joy in sharing herself this way. The soul is colorful, vibrant, radiant, complex, and endlessly beautiful. A woman will seek out clothing that manifests this internal reality.
Women’s style focuses more on the soul, whereas men’s style focuses more on the body.
If a man walks (or is dragged) into a store, he may often choose the most simple and straightforward item he can find. A man’s expression of self tends to reflect straightforwardness. When he tries it on, he just wants it to fit well and suit his everyday life. An outfit that makes a man feel good about himself tends to involve elements that uphold his body’s dignity, emphasizing his physical strength and stature, overall giving him a look of internal nobility and character. Men tend to want to look distinguished, classy, and traditionally masculine. At the heart of masculinity is protective strength, stability, security, consistency, order, and structure. His clothing choices reflect this. This contrasts with the effervescent, creative, bold, and emotionally expressive counterpart of a woman.
So here we have two important differences between the physical expression of man and woman – manifestations of the masculine and feminine. These two physical expressions are different, reflecting the internal identity of our respective souls. More importantly, they are wonderfully complementary to each other, just as man and woman were made to be. In union with each other, they make a perfect pair, balancing and highlighting each other’s strengths. Ideally, supporting and bringing out the best in each other. In actively dressing to emphasize their inherent masculinity and femininity, men and women can gain a further appreciation for each other’s God-given nature.
It is important for men and women to take care when dressing to express this internal reality. It can help them see the beauty of each other’s whole identity, made wonderfully masculine or fantastically feminine by God Himself. It can then aid in a better understanding of their unique identity, as someone intentionally created for eternity – not just for this earth. It can then inspire awe and respect for each other, shattering the worldly temptation to objectify one another.
Far from being superficial or materialistic, personal style can be an avenue for greater communication between men and women, conveying their whole identity as an unrepeatable, united body and soul.
It is interesting to note that Adam and Eve’s first garments (aka fig leaves) were worn out of disunion. It initially signified their newfound misunderstanding of the body, a symbol of concupiscence. It’s incredible that in the redemption of the body, clothing is now a tool to help men and women grow in understanding of each’s masculine and feminine identity and to fight to reconstruct their original call to unity.
When we consider the purpose of style, the purpose of dressing is not to conceal as Adam and Eve did through fig leaves, but to reveal. Personal style points towards transcendence, to where God’s identity is revealed through man and woman’s physical expression.
To read more on this topic, purchase Lillian Fallon’s ‘Theology of Style: Expressing The Unique and Unrepeatable You’ at Ascension Press.
