I got married when I was 21 years old.
It was one of the best big life decisions I have ever made, and we are coming up on our fifth anniversary in a couple of months.
Five years ago, and still today, marriage is very much painted as a “settling down” step in life. Much like having children, there is a huge push to “enjoy the time you’re in now” before the change happens, because you won’t ever get that time back.
And to an extent, that is true. The time you have right now, in whatever season you are in, you cannot get back. But the sentiment was never delivered with a sense of joy or gratefulness of where you currently are/where you are heading. It was always, and I feel still often is, delivered in a way that you will miss the time you are leaving because it is more exciting or has more freedom than the time you are heading into.
And that is such a lie. A lie I want to correct for you right now.
If you have ever had anyone in your life try and dissuade you from entering into marriage because it means your life will slow down, or your freedoms will go away, or that life won’t be as fun, they are not talking about true sacramental marriage.
When I got married, my freedoms did not disappear. On the contrary, my husband’s key phrase for everything I ever mentioned we should embark on was—without hesitation—“let’s do it.” And then we did. The only “freedom” I lost when I entered into marriage was the freedom to date whoever I wanted. But that wasn’t something I missed, it was actually something I vowed to never partake in again, with joy! Just because some perceived freedoms disappear, doesn’t mean you will feel less free.
When I got married, life did not slow down.
It did the opposite. It sped up. And I have been trying to stay in the moment and keep up ever since. I feel like it can be easily forgotten that dedicating yourself to another person is something that can be done joyfully, and that consequentially, the same fruit will pour out into every aspect of your life. We were young and without a ton of money and so we needed jobs. Between the two of us, our week days rolled one right into the next of morning shifts and evening shifts, of gigs here and there and of paid internships on top of it all. We had no ties outside of my husband’s school schedule, so time outside of work and school was always constantly filled with social events. Any money we did save went to a traveling fund, which we shamelessly used to travel to multiple countries in only a few years.
When I got married, life did not become less fun or more restrictive. That would contradict why you married someone you enjoy doing life with! You can still have fun when you’re married. I don’t know where this worry started from, and why people feel the need to pass it on to the younger generation, but I promise, it’s simply not true!
Now, I don’t want to make marriage an idol. That happens a lot in today’s culture too.
Marriage is not meant to be an idol. It is not something to obsess over, only ever look forward to, or thought of as the cure to any and all personal struggles. There is great value in singleness. There is great value in dating. There is great value in engagement.
But, if you have ever been under the notion that getting married is equivalent to settling down, I assure you that it is not. Stepping further into God’s plan for your life has never been held to the same experience as settling down. Saying yes to His plan for you will never be boring. It will never lead you to a place where you wish you were somewhere else. That’s just not how He works. Entering into your vocation is never going to be a step of slowing down. It will be the opposite—you will need to remember to take the pictures, savor the moments, commit days to memory and do all you can to simply keep up.
