Embracing God's Surprises in Marriage

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On our honeymoon in Mexico, just days after our wedding, my husband and I almost died.

Okay, I know that sounds dramatic, but stay with me for a minute. One night, we signed up for an “excursion” to a private island, complete with a boat ride, dinner, and a show. It was a romantic and memorable evening, but upon hailing a taxi back to our resort, things got a bit hairy. The pick-up lane where taxis wait for customers was nearly empty except for an unmarked cab at the very end. Assuming this was normal in Mexico (maybe it is!), we got in the unmarked car and told the driver our destination.

What followed was a harrowing near-death experience.

This driver took us on a very roundabout route through the city backstreets and along the cliffs of Puerto Vallarta. When questioned whether he knew where we were going, he told us this was a “shortcut.” The drive easily took twice the time than it should have. Certain were either getting abducted or about to crash into the ocean, I clutched the hand of my husband and began praying. While the car whipped around hairpin turns in the pitch dark along the steep ocean cliffside, all I could do was pray and take comfort in the strong hand squeezing mine.

To my surprise, we suddenly turned into the gated entrance of our resort. We were met by a security guard at the gate—and guess what his name tag said? ‘Jesus.’ Thank you, Jesus!!! We stepped out of the cab, still clutching hands and praying, grateful to God we were safe.

Little did I know that this taxi ride would provide the perfect analogy for our married lives ahead.

They say that life’s sweetest moments are those that surprise you. That may be the case for some surprises, like a surprise birthday party, or a surprise visit from a friend. Yet the surprises we’ve experienced in our marriage, with their unexpected plot twists and turns, initially feel more like riding in the back of that unmarked cab in Mexico.

These surprise moments stop us in our tracks for a few days, weeks, or months. They catch us unaware, they bring us to tears, they upend our lives—yet again. At each twist and turn in our marriage, the surprises we encounter bring us to our knees in prayer, hand in hand. Just like in that cab ride.

A few weeks after our first child’s first birthday, I took a pregnancy test.

The year previous was a difficult initiation into parenthood. A colicky baby, a new job title, and postpartum depression had stretched and strained our marriage and family dynamic. We had just barely passed from “survival mode” into “getting by.” Thankful for the gift of NFP, we felt confident that God would give us time and space to get our bearings before putting another little blessing in our arms. But, He apparently had other plans!

To say we were surprised by the positive pregnancy test is a vast understatement. Even our NFP practitioner and her supervisor were baffled by the conception. But, alas, what else could we do? So, we doubled our prayer and commitment to each other, and welcomed our second child with open arms. And looking back now, I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Two years later, on the Friday before Holy Week, we were brought to our knees in shock and disbelief. The ministry organization my husband and I both worked for—with six years of dedicated service—unexpectedly asked us to leave. For us, this wasn’t just a job—it was a devoted lifestyle. But God clearly and swiftly took it all away. Then, two months later, we experienced a miscarriage. Those two losses were surprises I never wanted to experience.

Yet once again, God did something amazing with it. He strengthened our prayer life and our marriage bond in ways I never knew possible. Though the losses were heart-wrenching, the grace that God gave us was immense and immeasurable. And I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

As if that weren’t enough, we were surprised yet again by a cross-country move, and another baby!

You’d think we’d catch on to God by now. But sure enough, just weeks after my husband accepted a job offer which would move us from Denver to Minnesota, God surprised us with news of another little blessing in my womb. Moving to a new town while 6 months pregnant and with two other children under the age of 5 was never quite in our plan. But it was in God’s. When that surprise baby arrived on the day after Christmas, we felt nothing but peace in God’s plans for our marriage. And I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Now recently, in the midst of a pandemic which caught everyone by surprise, my husband and I once again were brought to prayer, hand-in-hand, in shock. At a time when we felt certain that we were called to delay any further pregnancies or significant life changes, when NFP worked beautifully for months on end, giving us the sense that we were in ‘control,’ God once again reminded us of the true author of our marriage. As we now anticipate the birth of our next child due at Easter, I can’t help but ponder how the hope and promise of new life, in a world that seems so dark, gives way to the brilliance of the Divine master.

And now, I don’t want it any other way.

My advice to those desiring this vocation?

Embarking on the journey of marriage is a lot like getting into an unmarked car.

You truly have no idea what God will ask of you or bring you to on this crazy, wild ride. There are times of immense joy, and times of immense sorrow. The surprises—though unexpected and scary at first—will strengthen your sacramental bond and your trust in God. And that’s the point of marriage, isn’t it? To grow in sanctity, to sacrifice your life for another, and to align your will to that of the Divine.

And I promise, you won't want it any other way.

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