It’s Wedding Season…Ugh!

Are you a single who dreads this season, too?

Summer is right around the corner...flowers are blooming and the birds are singing. Personally, this is my favorite season due to the weather as I fare so much better when it is warmer. No winter coats. I get to wear sandals. And the sun does not go down until much later. However, my favorite time of the year used to be mixed with anguish when I was stuck in the throes of prolonged singleness.

The thorn in my side was wedding season. I watched from the sidelines as other people participated in the one thing that I could not have. There were the announcements in the church bulletin, the luncheons at work, and bridal parties at the hair salon on the big day. It all served as a reminder that I was left out from having a relationship, a spouse, and possibly never being a wife and a bride.

To be honest, I never handled the times each of my friends announced an engagement or planned a wedding well.

In fact, I genuinely owed them all an apology.

First, my friends who were my age got married. Later, I moved and made new friends who were about ten years younger than me. Then, all these friends begun announcing engagements and weddings. This was especially hurtful and humiliating for me, as it was a painful reminder that I was older and unmarried without a clue as to how to fix my situation. 

Each time I was asked to be in a wedding party, I declined. The thought of trying on dresses and planning a bridal shower was too much for me to bear during my own prolonged singleness. I would like to say that I was better person and rose above my circumstances. But I cannot. 

I did offer, however, to be a reader. In my heart I knew I could carry out this role with cheerfulness and a profound sense of servanthood. 

Transform your suffering.

Prior to meeting my husband, I learned that the Church had a tool for helping us handle painful situations. It is called “offering it up.” When we are suffering or undergoing a painful trial, we can offer it all up for the souls in purgatory, the intentions of another person, or our own prayer requests.

This practice is based on Colossians 1:24, “Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of the body, which is the church.” The Catechism of the Catholic Church expounds upon this spiritual discipline as well:

“The cross is the unique sacrifice of Christ, the ‘one mediator between God and men.’ But because in his incarnate divine person he has in some way united himself to every man, ‘the possibility of being made partners, in a way known to God, in the paschal mystery’ is offered to all men. He calls his disciples to ‘take up [their] cross and follow [him],’ for ‘Christ also suffered for [us], leaving [us] an example so that [we] should follow in his steps.’” (CCC §618)

Since Jesus brought our Redemption through suffering, he also raised all human suffering to be redemptive. We can collaborate with God by uniting our pain and suffering to his salvific work on the cross. (see CCC §307 and 1508)

Move forward with honesty and grace.

What does this mean for those who are suffering from prolonged singleness during wedding season? Acknowledge the pain and hurt to yourself and God. Anything less would be disingenuous. Besides, God already knows how you feel. If we are to have an honest and healthy relationship with God and ourselves, we need be authentic in the admission of our emotions. 

As hard as it may be, try to put forth some act of joy for the friend or relative that is getting married. It may be participating as a reader like I did or attending the festivities as an invited guest. If these options are too much for you, be realistic about what you can handle. Perhaps giving yourself the permission not to attend and sending a gift with a thoughtful card is the better path. 

Looking back, I realized it was right to rejoice for all my friends’ marriages as much as I was in pain about my own prolonged singleness. Also, another image of the trinity was being created for the world to see God’s likeness shine. I encourage you to balance your very real pain with these true needs of others, for one day you will be the bride as well!      

Don't let the pain hold you back.

Do you have a friend or relative that is getting married, or have you been asked to be in a wedding party? How does this make you feel considering your own singleness? Have you shared this with God? Why or why not?

Meditate on the verse in Colossians 1:24.

While nothing will take your current pain away, does it help to know that you can assist others and/or yourself by offering up your current trial and uniting it with Christ's passion on the cross? Why or why not?

Take some time and pray, asking God for the best way to handle any upcoming obligations. He will help you.