What woman doesn't love Mr. Darcy? He's handsome, mysterious, and noble. Not to mention rich.
And how about that gorgeous, sprawling estate?
But then there is this exchange between the aunt and uncle of Lizzy, who has just received an offer of marriage from Mr. Darcy, though they don't know it.
Mrs. Gardiner: I believe one would be willing to put up with a good deal to be mistress of Pemberley.
Mr. Gardiner: The mistress of Pemberley will have to put up with a good deal, from what I hear.
Yeah. That is because Mr. Darcy is famously difficult. He has insulted people to their faces, even Lizzy, like while he was in the middle of proposing to her. He is seriously hard on people; they're just not as good as he is. And he's a bit of a control freak when he tells his best friend Bingley not to marry Lizzy's sister, Jane. This is why Lizzy rejects him and accuses him of "arrogance, conceit, and selfish disdain for the feelings of others."
Good looks, noble birth, rich estate—no thank you. Her rejection just makes him love her more. What rich guy has not dreamed of a woman who would not use him for his money?
There is only one thing for him to do. Rise to the occasion.
Lizzy soon discovers that there is a whole other side to Darcy than his pride and self confessed "resentful" temper.
She finds out that he has always been a better person than she realized. He is someone who takes the moral high road, and does not expect thanks. Noblesse oblige. He works hard, protects his loved ones, and accepts duty and responsibility. He has no femininity in him, yet still manages to be a great dancer and a snappy dresser.
Soon, very soon, she begins to love him. And she is not alone. To millions of readers and viewers, Mr. Darcy is the perfect man. But is he?
Darcy indeed has greatness of soul. It is what allows him to humble himself and conquer a difficult temperament to serve the woman he loves. His magnanimity has been there all along but it is Lizzy who draws it out of him, converts him, and makes him grow into someone who is capable of suffering for those he loves.
By all means, Lizzy, marry him. He is a prize and you have earned him. We, women of the reading and viewing public, will look on with envy and sigh. And the guys in our lives will roll their eyes as we compare them with Mr. Darcy. If only our men were like that!
Well... maybe they are.
You see, Mr. Darcy is not perfect. That's what makes him such a brilliant literary character.
He is a lot like men in real life, maybe not the sprawling estate or the ability to dive headfirst into swampy water and come out looking GQ. But, in his temperament, he is very much like guys I've met. (I won't name names.) What is weird is, the things we love about him are the very things that make him difficult.
His alpha male protectiveness sweeps women off their feet. Yet, he tends to be a control freak too.
His clear superiority to all the other men in the book, even his cheerful but somewhat weak-willed friend, Bingley, is something he well understands and makes it hard for him to bear with others or resist judging or manipulating them.
His reserved temper which keeps him from making a fool of himself as other men do also makes him a brooder. And guess what, he'll be spending many a day and night brooding about Wickham's future failures and excesses, now that he's enabled him.
He gets the job done right because he's super intense.
He wakes up on duty and goes to sleep on duty. And he often lies awake on duty. He's a worrier. He doesn't have an off button. This is going to wear a bit on Lizzy.
And you can't forget in-laws. He gets over the fact that his wife is beneath him socially, because he's utterly smitten with her. But uh, how about those relatives? Her big mouth mother, her tainted sister, her n'er do well brother in law. On his side, there is the crotchety stuck-up Lady Catherine. "Whose relatives are we going to be stuck with this Christmas?" is an argument Lizzy and Darcy are bound to have.
Somehow all of that is okay. Because Darcy has Lizzy. And Lizzy, with all her imperfections—her rash judgement, her blunt temper, her silly family, has Darcy. They love each other and bring out the best in each other. That is why the story works and why we believe in their happily ever after.
Our relationships would stand a much better chance at success if we concentrated on bringing out the best in our guys, instead of comparing them with just one side of a fictional character. Chances are, they've got greatness of soul inside of them and a noble heart just waiting for their Lizzy to call it forth.
