How often do you consider the impact you're making on others?
“I thought that everything would turn out right, now look what I’ve become: A man I wouldn’t have respect for if I met me when I was young.”
Those are lyrics to a Jars of Clay song. We’ve probably all felt that at some point. We’ve made mistakes and failed to live up to the standards we imagined for ourselves. But the story doesn’t have to end there.
My nephew will be born in a few months. I pray for him, that he’ll be well and have a great life. That he’ll know God and be a good man. He’s not here yet so all I can do is pray for him. But soon he will show up, kicking and fussing and giggling.
As he grows up, what kind of example will I be for him? When he’s my age and I’m an old man, assuming I’m still around at all, what will he have learned from me? He’ll see how I treated his dad’s sister, my wife. How we loved each other and the mistakes we made.
It’s easy and normal to get caught up in the present. It’s what we know—our current struggles, arguments, pleasures, and pursuits. But we don’t often think about who came before us and who will come after.
How we love now can have a big impact on how our descendants will love in the future.
All of us can be a testimony to the next generation that a permanent, happy marriage is possible. That love is worth pursuing. Of course, we all make mistakes, and my nephew may learn from that too. But I want him to see me handle failure well and repent when I mess up.
My parents divorced when I was a baby. I lived with my mother and stayed with my dad on weekends. But they still made a point to do activities with my brother and I so we’d have a sense of who our family was, even if broken. They took us bowling and to pizza joints and Harlem Globetrotters basketball games.
I only saw them get in a fight once, when I was a teenager. They made a conscious decision to get along, at least in front of me and my brother.
Their marriage didn’t work out, but they weren’t going to let that damage us.
They showed us a better way, the way of love that Saint Paul talks about (1 Corinthians 12:31).
We bear a big responsibility to future generations. It’s helpful to keep that in mind as we date and get married and live with our spouse. Paul knew the importance of setting an example. He told his proteges: “Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:9).
God told Israel to pass down his words to future generations. “Take to heart these words which I command you today. Keep repeating them to your children. Recite them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). One way to do that is through words, but another is through how we live our lives.
I once visited a cemetery with my father to visit a friend’s grave. An elderly woman nearby stumbled. My dad saw it, hurried over, and gently grabbed her arm to steady her. She smiled and thanked him and went on her way. My dad rejoined me without a word about it. But his example stood out to me. He showed me how to treat others with kindness by his small actions.
It changes us when we become increasingly aware that the way we love now will affect the way others love in the future.
It’s a responsibility we have to them, but also an opportunity.
We get to love our best now. It will give others hope, but it will also make us happier in the present.
To paraphrase Pope Francis, Christianity is not a never falling down, but an always getting back up again. Have you botched an important relationship? Have you made mistakes that hurt your children or others? It’s never too late to get back up again, dust yourself off, and try again. The whole reason we need forgiveness is because God knew we’d mess up. But he also knows we’re capable of doing better as we go along.
I’ve made plenty of mistakes, but I want to do my best to live well and love well. I want to enjoy God’s forgiveness and the process of living in love. I want to do it for myself, my wife, and my nephew. He’ll be learning from me even if he doesn’t know it. “So be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love…” (Ephesians 5:1-2).
