I find that during the holidays it can be surprisingly difficult to remain centered in Christ. Over the last few years I have also felt increasingly lonely during the holidays despite being surrounded by very loud, very affectionate relatives. Between family get togethers, gift shopping, Christmas parties, white elephants, travel planning and battling the single girl blues, admittedly, I’m not always mindful of the real reason for the season. All that being said, I realized this week that I have a reason to be, dare I say it, grateful for being single this Christmas.
The season of singleness can be especially lonely for many of us single ladies and yet that is not how God wants us to feel during this time of preparation for and remembrance of His birth.
Now, I know what you’re thinking–how can I be grateful for being single? That’s the reason why I am lonely! Well, let me put it this way. Is feeling miserable on Christmas day going to change your relationship status? Is wallowing in that misery at all going to help you meet someone?
The answer here is absolutely not. So, don’t waste time feeding into that sentiment when you could be feeding into one that will actually benefit you–gratitude. Be grateful for being single and here’s how:
1. Recapture the excitement you felt during Advent and Christmas as a child.
I love Advent. Even as a little girl the season leading up to Christmas was my absolute favorite time of the year. I would watch, barely able to contain my glee, from the pews of our beautifully decorated church as the Advent candles were lit each week during mass. I knew that meant that Christmas was right around the corner.
For an Italian family like mine, we partied from Christmas Eve until the day after Christmas. I got to spend time with all of my extended family as we cooked and ate the best food you can imagine. We sang Christmas carols and opened presents before going to midnight Mass. Then, the party continued on Christmas day with more amazing food and more presents.
I had all of this to look forward to and am blessed to still celebrate Christmas this way with my family. I am grateful for those family traditions and, every now and then, I even get those little butterflies of anticipation.
2. Rejoice in your free time.
I was made more aware of my free time after spending an evening with a number of my female coworkers. All of them are married and most of them have children. As they recounted their to-do lists for the next two months I realized just how little I needed to do to prepare for Christmas.
I will not be throwing any parties; I will be attending them. I do not have to cook (not to the same extent that these women do) for anyone; I get to enjoy someone else’s cooking. I don’t have any in-laws to impress; I will be spending Christmas with people that I have known and loved for years.
For the most part, other than work, I have very few events that will require an enormous amount of my time for which to prepare.
3. Make plans to do something that you enjoy.
If you’re a fan of the Nutcracker, go see the ballet. If there’s a Christmas concert that you’ve been meaning to go to, just go!
Many of the women I’ve spoken to over the years have mentioned wishing that they had traveled more or done something in particular while they were single. When you have a husband and eventually a family, your time will no longer belong to you alone. So, while you have the time and the freedom to do so, go do what you want!
4. Relax, because you can.
“It’s just so stressful.”
That has to be the most common phrase I hear from people around the holidays. I’ll admit, work is definitely more stressful around Christmas time, even for a teacher like me. I have to cram an entire month’s worth of curriculum into a few weeks with interruption after interruption and pray that my students come back from break ready to ace their state tests. Stressful? Yes.
But, it’s not the kind of stress that needs to follow me home. Temperament-wise, I’m a worrier. I have been since I was a kid. However, I have figured out that if I can catch myself beginning to worry, then I can figure out a way to stop it.
As single women, we do not have the same responsibilities that a wife and mother do. For just a moment, try to be grateful for the lack of added stress put on your shoulders this season. Recognize the fact that, in reality, no one is counting on you to make this Christmas special.
Instead of lamenting the fact that you are alone, find peace and enjoyment in the fact that you can focus on Christ this Christmas with far less distractions than our married friends. Look at this period of your life as your personal time with Jesus and spend as much of it as you can with Him. Go sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament, let go of your worries, and thank God for the one on one time that He is offering you.
I can’t guarantee that any of these things will save you from feeling lonely this Christmas. But being grateful can help to get your mind off of all the things that you lack and back onto to the things that you have. Having a grateful heart will also help to keep you focused on the one person who really matters this Christmas: Jesus Christ.
