Here’s How Single Catholics Can Get Through the Holidays Happily

It can be challenging being single over the Christmas and New Year Holidays. This seems to be a time of year when movies and other media emphasize romance. You may know someone who is planning on getting engaged over Christmas. Regardless, with New Year's Day approaching, many singles find the prospect of beginning this year the same way they began last year—unattached—somewhat depressing.

The good news is, it doesn't have to be. Here are some tips to make the holidays not only bearable for singles, but enjoyable.

1. Guard Your Thoughts. It is easy to let our negative thoughts run away with us. You may not prefer to be single, especially over the holiday, but it is hardly the death sentence that we can be tempted to make it. When thoughts of powerless, isolation, and self-pity threaten to overtake you do the following:

• First, write them out. Getting our crazy thoughts on paper helps give our brains perspective. When these thoughts are in our heads, we tend to ruminate on them, turning them over and over again uncritically. When we take the time to write our negative thoughts, we re-read them, not as our own thoughts, but as thoughts composed by someone else. It engages the more objective parts of our brain so we can fight back.
• Second, write a response. What facts are your negative thoughts missing? Are you really as alone as you feel? Do you really have no friends? No family? No one who understands? Or does it just feel that way right now? Will those feelings really last forever or does it just seem that way in this moment? When was the last time you felt better? Remind yourself of what you were doing then and make plans to do those things soon.

2. Make Connections. You may not have the relationship you want, but that doesn't mean you don't have meaningful connections in your life. The holidays are a time to draw closer to all the people who love us. Make plans to spend time with the people who care about you. If you are far from family this holiday, make sure to at least visit with them via Skype. But beyond this, don't hesitate to reach out to friends—even if those friends are visiting their own families. By all means, ask your friends if it would be OK to tag along when they visit their family. It isn't nearly as pushy as it may seem. Most families are happy to set an extra place at their table for Christmas dinner. I understand that you would prefer to be at your own family's table with your one true love at your side, but don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Don't let your longing for the connection you wish for stop you from enjoying the connections you have.

3. Get Engaged. No, not that kind of engaged. I mean, get involved. Volunteer to help your parish in the many preparations leading up to Christmas. Help with decorating, sing in the choir, serve as a lector, or volunteer in the 1001 capacities that come open at this time of year. If you can make the opportunity to become involved in some charitable work in your community, do it. The point is, getting involved get you out of you head and stops you from feeling sorry for yourself. You are too valuable. Remind yourself that you can make a difference by contributing to the lives of others in some meaningful way this season.

4. Be Festive. Too many singles think that because "no one will see it" that it is silly to decorate their homes for Christmas. Don't forget that YOU will see it! You deserve to celebrate the joys of this season. Decorate! Celebrate! Make those special treats your family always made and share them with your neighbors and co-workers. Why not host your own Christmas or New Year's party? Don't just wait to be invited to other people's homes. Fight the temptation to self-pity by welcoming people into your home and your heart and celebrate the gift of friendship.

5. Spend Some Time with the Lord. Of course, we can't forget that Christmas is Our Lord's birthday. Don't forget to spend time with him. Sit in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament and thank God for the many ways he has blessed you. Make a list and enumerate them—one by one—in your prayer time. Give him the gift of praise. By all means, bring your concerns and struggles to him as well, but do it in the expectant hope of the season, conscious of all the ways God has been present to you in the past.

Remember, the key to good mental health for all people—married or not—is to be able to recognize where you are, acknowledge where you want to be, and constantly challenge yourself to take active steps—no matter how small—to get a little closer to that place you'd like to be.

Maybe this Christmas can't be everything you wish it was, but if you can refocus on God's grace and take full advantage of the relationships you do have, you can still have plenty of reasons to celebrate.

Dr. Greg Popcak is the director of the Pastoral Solutions Institute a coaching and tele-counseling practice for Catholics around the world. He invites you to contact him at www.CatholicCounselors.com or by calling 740-266-6461.