Keep Dating, Even If You Are Married

So, your big day is approaching fast and you're excited and anticipating that first year of marriage together. After the amazing honeymoon and life goes back to normal, you envision coming home in the evening to someone you can't wait to be with, and waking up each morning knowing all you care about in the world is laying right next to you. This is exactly how you should imagine life together with your spouse and if you do things right, this kind of love will last much longer than just your first year together. But all marriages go through trials and tribulations and the couples that last the longest—'til death do they part—are the ones that understand and practice some of the common principles of being married. One of those principles is keeping love alive.

It sounds simple and in fact it is, on paper. In practice... not so much sometimes. Life gets tough and some days you might find yourself trying to remember what it was exactly that made you want to marry your spouse in the first place. The emotion of love fades and then love must become true love because it requires an act of the will to put your spouse first. So, to keep your love alive, a great thing to do is to keep dating each other after you get married.

Why? you might ask. Isn't the whole point of getting married to stop dating? Well, no. Dating is just as important during marriage as it was before you married. But this is not meant to be a stress factor for couples preparing for marriage, it's meant to be a tool. There are lots of different tools couples need to keep a marriage happy, and dating is one of those tools for you to use and keep in your marriage toolbox. A great point of reference in support of courting your spouse is a report released by The National Marriage Project titled, The Date Night Opportunity: What Does Couple Time Tell Us About The Potential Value Of Date Nights?

The report, published in 2012, points to some of the excellent benefits a couple can experience by continuing to date after they marry and point to the fact that "couple time" can lead to happier spouses partly because being one-on-one fosters increased levels of communication, sexual satisfaction, and commitment.

A few of these benefits specifically discussed in the report are:

• Communication. One of the crucial ingredients to a successful relationship is an open channel of communication. By removing distractions such as children and employment responsibilities, date nights may afford couples the opportunity to discuss things that are important to them—from their shared dreams for the future to the state of their family finances. In the former case, a date represents time to reinforce mutual pursuits and aspirations; in the latter case, a date represents a type of private couple meeting where a concern or issue may be focused on constructively and proactively.

• De-stress. Stress is one of the biggest threats to a strong marriage or relationship. Stress related to work, finances, parenthood, or illness can prove corrosive to a relationship, insofar as it causes one or both partners to become irritable, withdrawn, violent, or otherwise difficult to live with.

– W. Bradford Wilcox & Jeffrey Dew, The Date Night Opportunity: What Does Couple Time Tell Us About The Potential Value Of Date Nights?, The National Marriage Project

Just think about all the stress a couple is likely to endure during marriage: Work-related stresses, financial stresses, frustration with in-laws, other family members or neighbors, job loss, medical or emotional problems, accidents, child-rearing, etc. The world can be an unfriendly place and if you have to spend your evenings with someone with whom you are at odds, your marriage is at risk. Regular date nights can help the stresses of life become manageable as you revisit the most important aspect of your marriage, you as a loving couple.

The report also lists novelty, eros, and commitment as aspects of marriage that are strengthened through one-on-one couple time and in pointing out these things, it compels one to remember that marriage is not just for bringing children into the world, it is just as much for the good of the spouses. It's important to be a couple in love, just as much as it is important to be a parent or employee.

I highly encourage you to read this informative report and give it some thought. After all, isn't having a happy marriage the reason why we get married?