When I was single, I spent a lot of time being jealous of friends who were in relationships. I supported them and was genuinely happy for their joy and success with another person, but there was always this little voice that felt irked. I would see them hold hands and wonder why no one wanted to hold my hand, or take cute couple pictures with me. I pitied myself for not having that special person to make candid memories with. I was sad about the fact that I was single.
Single life can be very lonely. Witnessing the happiness of friends who have found compatible significant others is wonderful, but it has the ability to make us feel a little discontented with our own single lives. Having friends who are in happy relationships can be like watching a movie reel of all the things we are missing out on. Unfortunately, I have spent my fair share of time wallowing in moments like this; the “jealousy” phase is one we all go through. Being single can also be a phase, sometimes one that comes around a few times. That’s okay. The truth is, being single is not all bad.
During the period of time when I was without a significant other, I experienced several positive changes that made me feel more fulfilled and also prepared me for a healthy, solid romantic relationship. Single life doesn’t have to be a lonely life—or an unhappy one. While you are waiting to find "The One," here are some simple things that can transform your life as a single Catholic.
Deepen Your Relationship with God. For starters, and most importantly, being single allowed me to deepen my relationship with God. Of course, it is possible to grow and maintain a deep faith while you are with someone—and this person should help support that—but it is often easier to do so while you are not distracted or thinking about dating. When I wasn’t focused on romance, I found I was much more focused on prayer and finding grace in daily life. Single life provided space and time to think about faith and growing in it.
Make Time for Self Reflection. The next change goes hand in hand with expanding my faith relationship—self reflection. All of that energy spent on dating, thinking about dating, or making it work with a significant other can be used to make things work with yourself. Time to simply be with yourself is so important because it teaches you the things you like and truly want to do. Understanding who you are is a necessity for a healthy relationship in the future—how can you communicate your needs to another person if you don’t fully understand what they are?
Build Your Confidence. In addition to self reflection on a spiritual and personal level, I found that I grew my confidence when I wasn’t in a relationship. I no longer had a significant other picking me up when I was down and telling me how nice I looked in that outfit. In single life, you are responsible for picking yourself up and learning how to feel attractive without the approval of someone you are interested in. If you become an optimist and feel good about yourself, you are more likely to make someone else feel good about themselves in the future. The number one most attractive thing is self confidence. If you use your single life to grow this, then you are actually helping your future romantic life. It is never healthy to need someone else’s compliment to be happy.
Just Have Fun. When I wasn’t committed to someone, I was able to chat with more people casually and think about what kinds of qualities I enjoyed in a person. Just because it isn’t going to turn into something serious doesn’t mean a date, or even just a conversation over a cup of coffee, isn’t valuable. Experimenting with different kinds of activities and personalities is not shallow if you are up front with the person right away. Let them know you are single but maybe not ready for a relationship. If that isn’t the case, let them know you are at the stage of looking for a steady commitment. The important things is to be honest with them from the beginning.
In a relationship, you are splitting half of yourself. In single life, you are only focused on one thing—you. That doesn’t have to be negative. Actually, it can be a way to prepare you for an amazing relationship in the future, through self reflection, deepening of faith, and building self confidence.
Look at single life as just as important as a serious romantic commitment. The only difference is, this is a commitment to being open to the plans that God has for you.
