Don't Freak Out. It's Just a Date.

It seems like everyone I talk to has horror stories about dating. Maybe it is truly a miserable experience or maybe it’s poor communication about the date itself, but no one understands why it’s so hard to just have a nice, normal date. Why does dating seem to be such an issue?

Our society promotes hooking up and "casual" relationships, while single Catholics tend to take dating very seriously. Yes, we are dating to eventually find a spouse. But maybe we are so focused on the serious side of this, that we're limiting our chances for a healthy relationship.

Here are my top 10 ways to stop freaking out and to start enjoying dating:

1. For a first date, plan on spending an hour or two together. Longer than this, and all of a sudden, you’re getting into deep water. Those 8-hour dates seem so wonderful and deep, but when you’re in the first stages of getting to know someone, they can often trigger more emotions than you really want.
2. Do something low pressure—grab coffee, check out a free concert, take a walk on a pier. A date doesn’t have to be expensive or require hours of planning. You want to meet someone new and have a chance to chat.
3. Make sure both parties are clear on a time and a place. I know texting is cool, but make sure you’ve spoken in person and confirmed your plans. If you’re going to be late, let your date know (you can text that).
4. Get to know each other. The purpose of dating is discovering how well you get along with another person. If you clam up and aren't responsive, neither side will be able to make an informed decision.
5. It's just a date. This is where we tend to get tied up. Yes, dating is a step towards marriage. However, one or two dates is just a way to get to know someone. Asking a girl out on a date is not a proposal. It's an invitation.
6. Ladies, say "yes" when the man asks you out. It's coffee. It's an hour. That's only four percent of your day. If you're really not interested after the first date, you have my blessing to decline a second. It's not fair to keep anyone hanging on, and it's not healthy for you either.
7. Know when to end it. If you’ve already set some parameters about a time frame, stick to it, even if the date’s going great. Here’s why—mystery is a good thing. If things are working out, good! You can look forward to another date. Maybe your date isn’t having a great time though. Or maybe she’s merely being polite while you hang around, missing her subtle hints that she really needs to get up early for work.
8. Dress for success, but always wear appropriate clothing—that’s one good reason to know beforehand what the plans are. A friend of mine went on a first date to a rooftop restaurant in 100 degree weather. She decided that she’d skip the primping and grabbed her flip flops instead. Three years later, I guess her hasty choice of outfit didn’t matter that much.
9. Be able to laugh at yourself. No one is completely comfortable in these situations, but if you’re so worried about a false step, you will have a miserable time. I went on a first date not knowing that my darling nephew had passed his vicious stomach flu on to me. I got lightheaded and feverish, and I knocked over a glass before realizing that something was very wrong and I had to go home. We laughed about it afterwards. Things happen!
10. Don’t dwell on past problems. Maybe you went on a date and managed to get locked out of your car. Maybe you were mortified. Move on! We all make mistakes and sometimes the situations are funnier than we think at the time.

How do you get over your first date jitters? Any suggestions for the rest of us?