Do you ever get so used to online-dating that you forget how to meet people in real life?
One summer, I was at a music festival. As I danced along to a cover band with a beerstein in hand, it dawned on me that I was surrounded by potentially single men. Like many millennials, I’ve primarily gotten dates via dating apps, and the idea of initiating a meet-cute in real life felt utterly foreign. “How can I get that guy to come over here?”, I’ve pondered at grocery stores, bars, music festivals, conferences, etc.
I’m used to “liking” photos, sliding into DMs, and “matching” with profiles. There’s a comfortable distance to online flirting – if someone rejects me online, I have a screen to hide behind. But dropping the metaphorical hanky in person? Shooting my shot face-to-face? Whew. That’s scary.
But it’s important to put ourselves in uncomfortable situations, ones that push us to grow in our confidence – to take a risk on something that could potentially matter a lot. Like meeting “the one” because we had the cajónes to flirt with a stranger.
So, where do we begin? How do you get that guy to come over and talk to you?
Open Body Language
If you want someone to approach you, your body language should say, “Hey, I’m open to conversation!” Crossed arms, looking at your phone, or keeping your bag in front of you communicates the opposite and signals “leave me alone.” Think open. Face your body toward the room instead of away. Keep your shoulders relaxed and let your hands be free. You want to look like you want to be there. Think of it this way: if you look like you’re about to bolt, he probably won’t risk the rejection. If you look comfortable, grounded, and present — he’ll feel like there’s space for him to step in.
Eye Contact & Smile
Okay, this next tip seems scary, but gosh darn it, it works. When you see someone you’d like to connect with, catch their eye. Hold eye contact longer than you normally would. Not a scary stare-down, but a lingering glance. Then, briefly smile at him before looking away. It’s a clear message, “Oh, I see you, and I like what I see.” When you maintain eye contact and then smile at him, there’s no mistaking your interest. It’s the ultimate modern-day handkerchief drop. This is your way of communicating a green light to him, freeing him from the fear of walking up to a stranger and risking humiliation.
Bonus move: the eyebrow flash. A quick lift of the brows when you lock eyes is one of the oldest human signs of recognition and warmth. It’s subtle, flirty, and feels natural. He’ll pick up on it without you having to say a word.
Be Available to Talk To
Approachability is 50% of the battle. Look at your surroundings and ask, “Could he easily come over and strike up a conversation with me?” For example, if you’re at a bar, is there an empty seat near you? Are you standing in a spot that’s natural for him to gravitate towards? If I’m at a wedding or a social event, I’ll stand (alone) by the bar or buffet to get my food/drink so he can come over and do the same. Think of environments that naturally give him an excuse to be by you and casually start a conversation.
Also, remove invisible barriers: headphones, sunglasses, clutching your phone like a lifeline. You don’t want to look “busy” or distracted. Instead, slow down. Linger. Be present. For example, if you see a cute guy who you make eye contact with at Mass, linger in the lobby afterwards. Check out that apologetics book rack with a meandering ease about you. You will come across as open and available, making it 10x easier to approach.
Friendly Energy
Here’s the truth: people are drawn to joy. If you’re laughing with friends, nodding along to the music, dancing, smiling, or chatting warmly with a bartender, you send the signal that you’re friendly and not likely to be rude when approached. But let’s be clear – I’m not saying you should fake a friendly energy, that’s almost always detectable. Friendly energy is about letting your natural enthusiasm show. Enjoy yourself first, and others will want to join in.
Approach Him Instead
Look, it’s 2025. If there’s a guy you want to talk to, be empowered to approach him. You’re not a damsel in distress waiting to be rescued – you’re an adult woman who knows what (and who) she wants. And honestly, most guys find it incredibly attractive when a woman takes the initiative. It shows confidence, self-assurance, and that you’re comfortable in your own skin.
Approaching him doesn’t have to mean delivering a grand speech or pulling out a corny pickup line. It can be as simple as making a comment about the environment, asking a casual question (“Hey, what are you drinking?”), or giving a genuine compliment. These little openings break the ice and signal that you’re interested in a conversation.
And if he’s not receptive? That’s not rejection, that’s redirection. You put yourself out there, flexed your confidence muscle, and that’s a win in itself. Because here’s the truth: the right guy won’t be intimidated by your initiative – he’ll appreciate it.
At the end of the day, it’s not about perfect lines or flawless timing – it’s about confidence. Whether he walks over or you do, you’ve already won by putting yourself out there.
