How to Free Your Finances for Marriage
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One of the great unwritten laws of the universe is that savers and spenders attract.
And, so working together to establish healthy spending and saving habits can be an important trust-building exercise for any couple, saving you a great deal of wear-and-tear both now and after you are married.
When I met my future husband Craig, we were both mature adults who had lived independently for more than a decade. In that time he had put aside a sizeable nest egg—and I…well, let’s just say I had not. We were already engaged when I finally got around to telling him about this. The subject finally came up when he noticed that I was becoming more and more anxious about the wedding. Finally one night it all came to a head, and my voice rose higher and higher as I told him I just couldn’t DO this.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” he gently took my hand, and waited. I burst into tears.
“I just don’t know how I am going to pay for this!” I finally confessed. In my head, the bride pays for the wedding, and the groom pays for the honeymoon and the house. And I barely had enough to buy my own dress—an altered “mother of the bride” outfit I had found on sale.
Craig looked a little stunned. It had never occurred to him that he wouldn’t be contributing to the wedding. It had also never occurred to him that he didn’t know all there was to know about my financial past. Night stretched into morning, as I told him everything. He hugged me and assured me we would work it out…and that is exactly what happened. That single act of transparency was a turning point for both of us.
Do you worry about how you can afford to get married?
Or whether you will be able to afford a family?
Have you experienced a financial setback (like so many people!) in the past year? Are you embarrassed to come clean with your partner (if you are seriously dating or engaged) about your situation?
Take heart, my friend. Even if you have made mistakes in the past, God wants you to be free of the cycle of debt. It won’t happen by magic—stop banking on winning the lottery. Make a budget and stick to it. Slash debt and save money ruthlessly. And above all, be honest and work together to finance your future. By spending less and living more, you can be a blessing to everyone around you.
Let’s take this one step at a time.
Make a plan and stick to it.
In their book A Catholic Guide to Spending Less and Living More, Sam (Cecilia) and Rob Fatzinger tell the story of how they prepared for marriage with two life goals: (a) having enough money to let Sam stay home with their kids, and (b) living simply enough to avoid having debt. So they tracked their income and expenses to create a budget, Rob paid off his car loan (he ate a lot of bologna sandwiches that year), and they worked together to plan a wedding that they could afford. (Ave Maria Press has a free downloadable on their website if you want to know more.) Fourteen kids and thirty years later, now their children are practicing the same debt-free habits.
Whatever your priority might be—saving for a down payment on a house, paying off school loans, a dream honeymoon—you need to understand where your money is going now so you can make incremental mid-course corrections to achieve your goals.
Slash debt and build savings.
If you want to regain control of your finances, eliminating overdraft charges and interest charges is a good place to start, says Rob. “Banks are not your friends. Do whatever it takes to eliminate ‘bad debt’ (credit card debt and high-interest loans).”
You may not be able to get all the way there with ruthless cost-cutting; you may need to find additional sources of income, such as taking on a second job or selling what you no longer need, until you can pay off those cards. Impulsive shopper? Leave your cards at home and pay with cash. Once the cards are paid off, start an emergency fund to cushion the blow when “life hits.”
Be grateful and generous…and stick together.
Caitlyn Kano, executive director of Compass Catholic Ministries, has worked with many Catholic families to help them improve their money management skills. “The cycle of debt can feel isolating, but you are not alone!” she says. “To start reversing course, take a minute and thank God for something, anything. Gratitude shifts our mindset from scarcity to abundance. Gratitude boosts physical and mental health, improves decision making, and increases our sense of contentment. With gratitude, you can start to interrupt the debt cycle.”
For single adults, building community with other singles as well as families can provide a sense of connectedness that makes it easier to be content, and to avoid expensive “self-soothing” habits that will only put you deeper in debt. Acts of service can even turn into creative dating possibilities: Do a little yard work together for an elderly person on your block and bring a little wine and cheese to enjoy during your break. Barter free babysitting for dress alterations or homemade baked goods for your reception.
For Catholic singles discerning marriage, intentional spending—the practice of living contentedly if not joyfully within your means—can be a hard-won discipline. And yet entering marriage without a stranglehold of debt can also be one of the greatest gifts you can offer your future spouse.
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