Only one year had passed from the time my husband, Alex, and I met online on CatholicMatch to the time we were married. While engaged, I was frequently asked, "How do you know your fiancé is 'The One' so soon after meeting him?"
Many warned me: "Marry in haste, repent at leisure." While I understood that that statement was said out of concern, I explained that we knew what we wanted in a spouse. We made good use of every minute we spent together, so I wasn't surprised how quickly our conversations turned to marriage and family life. While we shared our thoughts, feelings, and dreams, we both had moments of, "You stole the words right out of my mouth." I felt confident that Alex and I were a good fit, and I could say that I was moving forward with 99% certainty.
So what makes up the last 1%? Trust in God. An article over at The Matt Walsh Blog echoes the same sentiment; there is no way to be 100% sure or 100% ready unless you can know the future. If you knew what was going to happen, then you could rely on yourself, and you wouldn't need God.
Marriage is not two perfect individuals coming together. If you're thinking that, you're confusing marriage with Heaven, and I assure you, they are two very separate entities. Rather, marriage is two imperfect people, coming together so that they can be sharpened as "iron sharpens iron" (Proverb 27:17).
In the sacrament of marriage, God showers a couple with graces. It's the grace that makes you "ready" to handle what you need to in marriage. He gives you all the climbing equipment you need and it is specific to your very own mountain. Because of this sacrament, husbands and wives can praise and glorify God better than they could while engaged or dating.
But, if you stay safe at the bottom, waiting for certain false securities, you will miss out on one great adventure.
Many of us want to have our life in order before we would ever consider dating and marriage. You may want to have extra money in the bank, no student loan debt, a nice starter home, perfect health, and a "secure" job before you feel safe and ready to enter into the commitment of marriage. But the reality is, none of the things of this world offer us any true security. They're all false illusions, and we have to be careful not to make idols of them.
It is hard to take a leap without knowing what the future holds, but why put limitations on how, when, and where we meet our spouses? When you do meet your spouse, you have a choice: proceed with courage in fear of the Lord, or pridefully wait for the 100% certainty that will never come.
In marriage, no one is ever 100% ready to have a child, either. While dating or engaged, the possibility of having a family may feel like a far off goal, because you're still living separate individual lives. There will always be reasons to post-pone marriage or having kids. At any time in your married life, there is no assurance of unlimited employment, good or poor health, fertility, money in the bank, or finite financial emergencies. Because our faith tells us we have to be open to life at all times, we have to accept that our lives will not always go according to our plans, but we still need to respond to those hiccups with love.
The souls we create aren't just for our own amusement and enjoyment here on Earth. Parents are responsible for equipping children to become functioning members of society, as well as being able to bring them up in the faith. Meditate on the Holy Family (and their beginning) for humility in planning marriage and having children.
After more than eight years of marriage, I see that veil of knowledge of the future as mercy. There will be some very difficult mountains that God will ask us all to climb, and if we knew about them way in advance, we would run screaming in the opposite direction. But if we did run away, we would miss out on the greatest joy this life has to offer.
God does not reveal the future to us, but allows us what we need to know in the moment. You only need to be 99% ready for marriage and having children. Remember to leave a little room for trust in God.
