Pope Francis' Advice for Being the Best Version of Yourself

Faithfulness, perseverance, and fruitfulness are qualities that Pope Francis said, in a homily this past June, are necessary in marriage. He talks about the difficulty of having a holy marriage with the popular culture set on its destruction, but in particular, he warns about the attack on fruitfulness in marriage.

In a culture where contraceptives are pushed on children before they become legal adults, abortion can be accessed just as easily without parental consent, and contraceptives are covered by insurance plans, but not the cost of natural family planning—the Pope's message is very timely.

Pregnancy and unborn children are often objectified. In this scenario either couples dread the "blessing" of children in their lives and treat them as obstacles to their personal achievements and happiness, or they're treated as possessions to which they have a right and are idolized. Pregnancy is often listed as a complication of sex, as an undesirable consequence in a list of STI's, rather than the direct intention of marriage. Just last year Time published an article highlighting the childfree life, not as a sorrow, but as a joy. Better vacations, flexibility, and freedom were listed as benefits to the childfree life.

Recently, Pope Francis told couples: Be fruitful and multiply. The temptation that infertile or sub-fertile couples have to resist is to treat children as objects to which they have rights and idolize them. We must seek moral treatments for infertility, always preserving the sacred union of marriage.

If biological children are not possible, we must make every effort to adopt or provide foster care to those children who are also waiting for a family. These orphans or unwanted children are at the mercy of adults. They are in less control of their circumstances than are adults.

Pope Francis reminds families that each night you delay in giving these children life and bringing the fruitfulness of their existence into your marriage, is another day they go to bed without a family. They are not capable of creating a family, but you are!

Remaining open to life means being open to the gifts God intends for you. Those gifts may not share your DNA, however. After all, you will not share DNA with your spouse, yet you will still manage to muster up enough love to commit to a lifetime with him/her. This process of unconditional love should be repeated with children. Just like those couples who have to postpone pregnancy, every effort should be made to remove those obstacles that prevent our marriages from being fruitful and multiplying.

The sacrifice that children require is unmatched by any other experience in this world, but that is precisely why they are a blessing. Children save us from ourselves. They transform us in to the best, most loving, most selfless version of ourselves, if we allow them into our lives and hearts.

I frequently hear new parents complain about the transition from the childless to parental life. They say they feel like they're "losing" themselves—which is precisely what Christ asks us to do! If instead of fighting this transition, we accept it, we will not only find peace, but greater joy than we could experience without children gracing our lives.

Often times it is our own selfishness, greediness, vanity, self-reliance, or pride that we're losing, and we do not become fully aware of who we are, or our purpose, until we become co-creators with God. Through the gift of total self in parenthood, we actually rediscover ourselves as spouses and as parents. We experience the complete gift exchange of love.

Children help us regain self-discipline, love, faith, trust in God, selflessness, and generosity—all virtues which help us achieve the other goals in our lives. The part of ourselves that we "lose," we didn't need, anyway. That's the part that was always holding us back, restricting, and confining ourselves.

Through the total gift of self, we achieve freedom and creativity unparalleled. We create something so specific to ourselves that no one else can compare or achieve the same. Any other accomplishment in our lives can be repeated or replaced by someone else, but children are unrepeatable and irreplaceable. Children are and should always be treated as the supreme gift of marriage.

When my husband, Alex, and I first started dating, he surprised me when he asked how I felt about adoption and foster care. I told him I would love any child placed in my care, because love is unconditional. This discussion is important to have before getting married. As you prepare for marriage through dating, be sure to also prepare your mind and heart for those gifts of life God intends for you, through pregnancy, adoption, and foster care.