Here's What 5 Saints Had to Say About Romantic Relationships

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On this great Solemnity...

November 1 is the day the Church celebrates its heroes—those who have been raised to the altars and canonized as saints. The canonization gives the faithful infallible assurance that the soul in question went directly to Heaven, with no stop off in Purgatory required. While this does not mark every facet of a saint’s life as infallible—indeed, they all struggled with sin and human weakness like we all do, it does mean that we, as the faithful still journeying to eternity, can see in their lives an example and a source of hope

That means that within the lives of the saints we can find concrete guidance on how to handle difficult situations in all facets of life. And dating relationships certainly provide their fair share of challenges. Let’s look at what five great saints have taught us and how we might apply that in a romantic relationship…

St. Faustina: “Silence is a sword in the spiritual struggle.”

Faustina lived a contemplative life, so silence had a much different meaning for her than it will for us. But how many times in a relationship have you wished you would have kept your mouth shut? It can be so hard to stay quiet. Sometimes you genuinely know you’re right, even as you also sense that this might not be the hill to die on. It can be literally painful, especially mentally, to not say something. 

But the lesson from Faustina can be that maintaining the silence will prune away your own faults and inculcate a greater level of humility. The reward for pushing through the mental pain of silence can be a greater realization that the world won’t end if you don’t immediately speak. A real problem that requires a conversation will still be there tomorrow. In the meantime, let silence cut away the struggles we all have with rashness. 

St. Teresa of Avila: The serpents at the foot of the mansion.

In her classic work Interior Castle, St. Teresa likens the spiritual life to entering a mansion that has seven different rooms, each one a little further up than the one before. She also warns that at every mansion there are serpents waiting at the foot, looking to ensnare us and trip us up. Moving into a new relationship is truly a new mansion on the spiritual journey. 

It’s an exciting time and entering a new mansion is always a good thing. But we do need to be aware that the serpents will be waiting. In that regard, we have no greater ally than the Mother of Christ. In particular, under her title of Our Lady of Sorrows, she discloses how the serpents will come at us and shows how we can defeat them. Pray a novena that honors the Seven Sorrows of Our Lady and you will be rewarded with this clarity. 

St. John Paul II: “As the family goes, so goes the nation…and the whole world in which we live.”

During his long pontificate (1978-2005), John Paul II showed a special concern for young people and also for the formative effects that the family has on the national culture. As one who grew up when Poland was under Communist rule, the late and sainted pope saw firsthand the devastating effects that came from undermining the family. 

This is a reminder that your dating relationship is part of a much bigger picture. You already know that it’s the essential part of discerning whether or not you are called to the vocation marriage. But even beyond that, St. John Paul II reminds us that our relationship fits into an overall society and that pursing a virtuous family life will have a positive impact on the world around us. 

St. Thomas More: “Man should go where he won’t be tempted.”

It’s the advice Thomas More gave to Richard Rich in the great 1966 film A Man For All Seasons. The context of the counsel was that More was advising the overly ambitious Rich to become a teacher, rather than pursuing a place in the government. Rich rejected the advice and later perjured himself in More’s trial for the sake of advancing his career. 

It’s a good reminder that temptation comes in all shapes and forms. But in a dating relationship the core temptation is pretty simple, and St. Thomas More’s counsel can be appropriately adjusted to stay away from occasions of sexual sin

St. Thérèse of Lisieux: “Remember that nothing is small in the eyes of God. Do all that you do with love.”

We’ve all heard it said that little things matter in relationships. The beloved Little Flower assures that this is true with God Himself. And it’s certainly true with our significant others. When you do something nice for them, don’t do it with quiet resentment or even with a desire for recognition. Just do it out of great love

That’s a high bar and one we will frequently fail to hit. But never forget that the saints failed, too. The key is that they never stopped trying. And in the end, they found the greatest reward of all, one that has to be the endpoint of all human endeavors, including dating relationships—that of going straight to Heaven upon death. 

One of the many great things about Holy Mother Church is that these five examples are just the tip of the iceberg. You have your own favorite saints that may not be on this list. Ask for their intercession. Ask for them to show how their lives and teachings can apply to your relationship. They are all too anxious to help, if only we just ask.

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