Befriending Saints Changed My Perspective on Dating

Have you ever befriended a saint?

I didn’t really know this was a thing until it happened to me. If you asked me years ago if I believed in becoming friends with saints, I probably would’ve rolled my eyes. But last year, I became friends with St. Raphael.

It began when I finally came to terms with the emotional garbage I’d been lugging around my whole life and trying to ignore. You know, the kind of baggage you forget about until it pops up to cackle, “Remember me!?” every time you start a romantic relationship. In order to be ready for any semblance of a healthy relationship, I realized I needed get rid of my trash.

So I cracked open my laptop and typed in “novena for finding a spouse” (classic.)

As I scrolled through, a link to the St. Raphael novena stuck out. The prayer itself was written beautifully, but what especially stood out to me was the fact that the prayer invokes St. Raphael to be a part of a process. It was very different from my initial impression of these types of novenas: “I pray this for 9 days and get a husband, thank you and goodbye.”

As I read more about St. Raphael, I learned he is also the patron saint of healing, which makes sense with the process of finding a spouse. Let’s be real, who doesn’t have a bit of baggage? Who isn’t hurting from something in their past? We all got something. It’s perfect that St. Raphael is the patron saint of healing and finding a spouse, because to me, those things go hand-in-hand.

Also, St. Raphael was a guide to Tobias. He was his friend, preparing him to find Sarah. Together, they went on a journey so Tobias could find his wife. He didn’t snap his finger and have Sarah magically appear in front of Tobias. It was a process.

As sat in the glow of my laptop, I decided to pray the St. Raphael novena.

I immediately felt a closeness to him that I had never felt with another saint. I found myself praying to him regularly and would frequently talk to him about my desire for healing so that one day, I may be ready for marriage. It was just like chatting to a close friend, “How weird…” I thought as I reflected on my newfound friendship with this particularly cool Archangel.

The biggest source and need for healing was my relationship with my father (cliche, right?). I told St. Raphael this and I began noticing huge strides of improvement between me and my dad. It was actually quite shocking because that was a relationship I had pretty much given up on. This was about when I sat back, wide-eyed, thinking, “Ok, so St. Raphael is serious.”

After a month or so, I met someone. I honestly wasn’t expecting it because I believed in the process and assumed it’d take years for me to be ready. But hey, if God wanted to lead me to Mr. Right, then by all means! I got swept up pretty quickly when we started dating. He seemed to be everything I was looking for and even thought, “Wow, he could be it.”

Boy, was I wrong. The relationship quickly blew up in my face and I wondered why I had been lead astray after feeling so much guidance. I had felt so close to St. Raphael and Jesus the entire time we were dating—wasn’t this the dude they wanted for me?

One day, I found myself at a church I’d never been to on my way home after being blown off by the guy I was seeing.

I decided to go to confession and expressed my confusion, “I thought he might be the one St. Raphael was leading me to,” I told the priest. He responded, "My name is Raphael. Nothing happens on accident."

I could almost hear Humphrey Bogart’s gravely voice slur, “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.” As my Catholic version of Casablanca unfolded before me in this random church I’d stumbled into, I realized everything really does happen for a reason.

Me and the guy broke up soon after. The breakup sucked, but I still stayed close to St. Raphael and trusted God’s reasoning. I couldn’t deny the crucial life lessons I had learned and how much I had gained from the experience. It was necessary for my growth and healing—it was a part of the process.

When things don’t go your way (especially in dating), it’s easy to believe nothing happens for a reason and we’re just cycling through dud after dud. That it’s simply bad luck when a relationship doesn’t work out. But even the seemingly bad things that happen can lead us to a greater good.

In the past, when the outcome of my prayers were the opposite of what I wanted, my first reaction was, “Wait, what?”

It’s easy to perceive novenas and relationships with saints as transactional. We only need St. Joseph until we get a job or St. Jude until our desperate cause is addressed. We forget that sometimes the Christ and His saints have to help us through a long term plan. Yes, sometimes miracles happen over night, but usually, it’s something that takes years of consistent progress.

The saints can rush to our aid and help us to understand God’s will after just nine days, but I believe the saints would really love to be our companions who are invited to walk with us through life.

When it comes to dating, I feel relaxed letting St. Raphael lead the way. And if I find myself in another relationship that doesn’t work out, I’m sure I’ll glean many more important lessons that will ultimately serve me well when I meet the right person.