God Is Not Your Friend

As an introverted, semi-eccentric young man, I am intimately acquainted with loneliness. Most of my friends live far off, and I find that I often have trouble relating with most people I meet day-to-day. A man never feels so alone as when he’s with people he can’t talk to.

Loneliness hurts. Man was not made to be alone, and being alone is like an ache that doesn’t go away; like hunger pangs that won’t be satisfied. It gnaws away at you from inside, especially when you see men and women passing by before you in pairs, their hands clasped, their eyes on each other. You ache for a warm hand in yours and a friendly voice in your ear.

What A Friend We Have In Jesus?

Now, as a Catholic, I’ve sometimes heard people say that, if I’m lonely, I should turn to Jesus and take solace in him. “We are never alone, for we have God to comfort us.”

But I don’t think that’s really a solution. Yes, I do turn to Christ in loneliness, but He doesn’t comfort me much in that direction.

The fact is, Jesus doesn’t make for a very good companion. He doesn’t talk back to you. He doesn’t laugh at your jokes. He doesn’t playfully hit you when you pretend to do something mean. He doesn’t show you something you’ve missed in the latest movie you saw, or make an insightful comment about the news. He doesn’t dance with you or sing for you or applaud when you play him a song on the violin. He doesn’t hug you or kiss you or hold your hand.

I think we can get carried away by the idea of God being our all. Yes, He is, but as God: not as friend, lover, or companion.

God made us for Himself, but let’s not forget that He also made us for each other.

Even Adam, unfallen and enjoying complete communion with God, was lonely in the garden, and God saw that it was not good for him to be alone. So God gave him the animals and, finally, Eve.

Now, yes, there are people who can ‘live on God alone,’ so to speak. But this is a rare and advanced form of spirituality, much like those rare cases of people who live solely on the Eucharist.

The hunger for companionship, like the hunger for food, is not ordinarily satisfied by God; even priests, monks, and nuns typically live in communities.

My point is not, of course, to downplay the role God should play in our lives: God forbid! My point is that, normally, He doesn’t want to play that specific role for us, anymore than He wants to heal our every injury or minor illness. Yes, He can, and does sometimes, but as a general rule, that’s not how He works. He wants us to seek each other out and have joy in each other.

I'm Still Lonely. What Do I Do?

Ultimately, God will be the final and absolute cure for loneliness, but not yet. In the meantime, we need to find solace among those God gave us in this world, as well as in prayer. So what do we do when faced with the crushing prospect of a lonely life?

1. First of all, it’s important to acknowledge and accept the possibility that loneliness, like any other form of suffering, will always be a  feature of our lives. Even if we fall in love and get married, there will be times when we’re at odds with our wife, or when we’re simply not together at the moment, and loneliness will return. Even if we somehow avoid those pitfalls, there will still be the possibility of separation by death.

2. Take this opportunity to find healthy ways of dealing with loneliness. Go to work. Take up a hobby. Give your life purpose. The key is to take our minds off of ourselves so that we don’t dwell on our own pain.

3. In addition to that, we should cultivate the relationships that we do have: with our family, friends, and neighbors. Another advantage to throwing ourselves into work and hobbies is that it will get us out and among like-minded people where friendships can blossom.

4. Finally, there’s the solution God Himself used to prepare man for the coming of woman: animals. If you can, get yourself a pet. Dogs have been assuaging our loneliness for thousands of years, and they’ve gotten pretty good at it. No, it’s not the same as having a real person around, but it will help.

Remember, a man who can make the best of his loneliness is a more attractive man than one who simply suffers through it. Working through it won’t just help you to bear the loneliness; it will help to bring it to an end.