Is Having a Sense of Humor Important in a Relationship?

It's hard to believe not only that it's already September—where did the time go?—but that my Year of the Saints project is 9 saints in, 3 left to go.

The saint I chose for September is quite the popular fellow, and especially so on CatholicMatch. So popular, in fact, that a room in the forum was named after him. Yes, it's St. Vitus, patron of entertainers. He is also the protector against storms, which I find remarkable in its relation to entertainers.

Like the forum, St. Vitus has an association with humor, being the patron saint of comedians. This to me means he's a perfect role model in our search to have, and be, an ideal partner.

Of course we don't seek relationships just to be entertained, but humor is such an important quality to look for. There are countless reasons why, but a few big ones spring to mind.

First, a sense of humor shows a quick mind and a lot of smarts. Studies have shown that the correlation between humor and intelligence exists. It's part of what is called "mental fitness", and is one of the big criteria in searching for a mate. One, it's a type of emotional intelligence, in which funny people can reach out and attract others,  showing their acute interpersonal skills. It's also sign of intellect as well. Listen to any interview of a comedy writer or comedian. They're usually very sharp. And for us who aren't in it for a career, humor shows our ability to see the complexity in any given situation. It shows how mind can work very quickly, process a given condition, see all facets of it, find the most appealing aspect, and transmit it into a joke. If that doesn't show brain power, I don't know what does!

Second, humor is obviously an excellent way to provide comic relief. This is especially useful to break the tension during a conflict. In the midst of an argument, a simple joke can turn the whole situation around, give some much-needed perspective, provide a little levity and warm people to each other. This takes some skill, no?

Also, a sense of humor is great for easing awkward moments. In human nature, we tend to bare our teeth when we feel threatened. This teeth-baring translates into a smile, and a smile can quickly turn to a laugh. At the very least, it lessens the feeling of a threat. Awkwardness averted!

Perhaps the most important indication humor gives is one's ability to handle crises. Someone who can see the humor in a bad situation, or during dark times, is someone who has excellent coping skills. It takes a lot of inner strength, compassion, fortitude and bravery to find some aspect of a tragedy and turn it into comedy. The risk is in not knowing how the recipient could take that. But, given the value we place on a sense of humor, it seems to work very nicely.

I mentioned before how St. Vitus is also the protector against storms. It fits together very nicely—humor can protect us from the storms in life. What a lovely thought.

In line with that is the correlation between optimism and humor. It makes sense, then, that those who can see the funny part of something that isn't funny can do this for a reason. These are people who look at the bright side, who see the temporality in bad times, and who ultimately have hope. And this is an incredibly useful quality to look for in a partner.

These optimists and jokesters are of course excellent at cheering us up as well. This is priceless as far as spending the ups and downs of marriage, and of life, with someone. Imagine how wonderful it would be to know that there's someone who can cheer us up when we hit a low point. This is someone who can be trusted with our most vulnerable moments.

Lastly, a sense of humor bonds us—across language barriers, political or religious differences, or any other divide we encounter. Laughter is infectious! I will never forget when I was in a country where no one knew English. I started gesturing when asking someone where I could find a bank, and as my gestures got bigger and more ridiculous, the two of us couldn't help laughing. Bonding with others is so vitally important in a mate, especially if there is a divide between the two of you, or perhaps your families or friends.

So there you have it. Those of us who want our partners to have a sense of humor know exactly why this is so. And we can look to St. Vitus as a reminder of just how important laughter is.

St. Vitus' feast day was on September 15. Although that day has already passed, it's never too late to bring a bit of comedy to your life. Perhaps you could go to a comedy club, or better yet, take a date!